Bright Black Designs

The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script By: Rod Hilton

2008-12-01T11:28:00.000-05:00

FADE IN:

INT. BANK - GHICAGO

A GANG of CLOWNS breaks into a bank. The AUDIENCE impatiently tolerates the scene, despite having already watched it in front of I Am Legend as well as thirty times when it leaked ONLINE.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

Robbing this bank was a great idea. Anyone know why they call the guy that planned it ‘The Joker’?

RANDOM CLOWN #2

I hear he wears clown makeup to scare people.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

What? How does that answer the question at all? I asked why they call him ‘The Joker’, not why they call him ‘The Clown’. Nuts to this, has the real movie started yet?

The CLOWNS gather up a bunch of money and secretly kill each other one by one. One of the clowns pulls a gun on the OBVIOUSLY HEATH LEDGER CLOWN.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

I’m betting the Joker told you to kill me, so rather than kill you with your back turned I’m going to tell you how clever I am for figuring that out.

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

No, I kill the bus driver.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That’s extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that.

He gets run over by a BUS that drives into the bank.

BUS DRIVER CLOWN

Somehow, the bus survived crashing into the side of a building without a scratch, so let’s load it up with money! Hey, where are all of the other gang members?

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

They had to go. Something about attending a dark carnival. Oh, and also, you’re dead.

HEATH kills the BUS DRIVER, puts a smoke grenade in WILLIAM FICHTNER’S mouth for no reason, then drives out of the building into a conveniently placed gap in a line of SCHOOLBUSES.

INT. PARKING GARAGE

A bunch of DRUG DEALERS confront CILLIAN MURPHY.

DRUG DEALER

Hey, your LSD made my clients shit themselves and jump out of buildings.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Honestly, why were you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack on his head?

Suddenly a bunch of FAKE BATMEN break up the drug deal but eventually CHRISTIAN BALE WEARING BLACK RUBBER shows up and arrests everyone.

FAKE BATMAN

Jesus, I’m just trying to help, do you really need to punch me in the face with metal, spiked gloves? What’s the difference between you and me?

BAT-BALE

Depends, are you on good terms with your sister?

INT. KITCHEN

Various MOBS all meet in a single room to facilitate the plot. Suddenly, HEATH LEDGER enters.

HEATH LEDGER

So it seems you guys all have a problem with Batman. Did you guys ever consider killing him?

ERIC ROBERTS

Holy shit, are we allowed to do that? We thought about having a mobster vs. crimefighter softball game, but that’s way easier! Why the hell didn’t we think of that?

HEATH LEDGER

Damn, being a criminal mastermind is cake when the other criminals have brains the size of Mary-Kate Olsen’s lunch. Now, I need to take over one of your gangs. First, let me tell you a story about when my asshole dad said things like “why so serious?” and “let’s put a smile on that face!”

ERIC ROBERTS

So all of your best lines from the trailer were from you quoting your douchebag father? That’s almost as disappointing as the way the last scene brought back Cillian Murphy just to get rid of him in 2 minutes.

EXT. POLICE STATION ROOFTOP

GARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT.

BAT-BALE

Grrgrll farggle raar!

GARY OLDMAN

Nice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he’s the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character.

AARON ECKHART

Here’s the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob’s money supply.

BAT-BALE

Frmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl.

AARON ECKHART

Did you take voice coaching lessons from Jack Bauer or something? Don’t you feel like an idiot growling all of your lines? You sound like you’re gargling Michael Keaton’s balls.

CHRISTIAN BALE goes to see MORGAN FREEMAN.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Morgan, I need to fly to Hong Kong, kidnap Chin Han, then fly out. Can you help me using technology and caustic banter? Also I want a new suit that lets me turn my head.

MORGAN FREEMAN

A whole new suit? You spent the entire last movie building the first one, and you want a totally redesigned new one after one line of dialogue?

CHRISTIAN BALE

Yes.

MORGAN FREEMAN

Your new suit is ready, have fun.

MICHAEL CAINE

I’ve thought of an excellent alibi for when you’re in Hong Kong, Mr. Bale.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Does it involve me taking an entire ballet troupe to a yacht from which I will mysteriously disappear, arousing a great deal of suspicion?

MICHAEL CAINE

Sure does!

CHRISTIAN BALE flies to HONG KONG and abducts CHIN HAN, then brings him back to CHICAGO. CHIN sells out the MOBSTERS, who then go to TRIAL. The JUDGE for the trial gets into her car, which suddenly explodes! And the COMMISSIONER is poisoned! And ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL manages to find work!

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S PENTHOUSE

CHRISTIAN BALE throws a party for AARON ECKHART, which HEATH LEDGER crashes.

HEATH LEDGER

Good evening, we’re tonight’s entertainment! We also do birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here’s my card.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

This is a ‘Wild Draw Four’ Uno card.

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah, I kinda had to use up all of the regular decks of cards in the city to stuff the judge’s car full of jokers. Took fucking hours.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Well if you’re here for Aaron Eckhart, we had ‘Old Chicago’ for dinner so he’s in the bathroom shitting lava.

HEATH LEDGER

I can wait. Want to hear a story? Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You’re actually kind of a butterface. But at least you’re not Katie Holmes, I like that.

BAT-BALE

Then you’re gonna love me!

HEATH LEDGER

How the hell did a guy in a giant bat costume sneak up right next to me without anyone noticing?

HEATH and CHRISTIAN fight, and somehow HEATH is able to hold his own against a guy with NINJA TRAINING. HEATH throws MAGGIE out of a window.

CHRISTIAN grabs her in midair, allowing MAGGIE to avoid landing on the PAVEMENT by landing safely on a CAR instead.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Thanks for catching me, but how are we going to resolve the issue of Heath still terrorizing your party guests upstairs?

BAT-BALE

Maybe if we awkwardly cut to the next scene, nobody will notice that we accidentally lost some pages of the screenplay.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHICAGO STREETS

The police are holding a funeral for the DEAD COMMISSIONER in the most logical location: directly in the middle of 4 abandoned high-rise buildings with lots of windows. The MAYOR gives a eulogy while wearing a DISTRACTING AMOUNT OF EYELINER.

CHRISTIAN BALE uses MAGIC to pull fingerprints off a nonexistent bullet and winds up getting to the FUNERAL just in time to see HEATH LEDGER attempt to shoot the unprotected MAYOR, miss, and somehow hit GARY OLDMAN instead.

AARON ECKHART

(oh phone)

Maggie, Gary Oldman has just been shot.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I’m sure he’s fine, he’s not even commissioner yet. We’re not supposed to actually be worried that he might be dead, are we?

AARON ECKHART

Nonetheless, I’m concerned for your safety. Who can we trust?

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I can go to Christian Bale’s penthouse. It’s the safest place in Chicago right now.

AARON ECKHART

The place where I almost got killed by Heath Ledger and you got thrown out of a window? Maybe you should hide on some subway tracks instead.

HEATH LEDGER

(on television)

Starting today, I’m going to kill innocent people until Batman reveals his secret identity. This plan is sure to work, since Americans are generally so willing to negotiate with terrorists.

CHRISTIAN BALE

I’ll never give into this terrorist’s demands!

(pause)

Nevermind, I quit. Play the sad music while I throw everything in the garbage, Michael. I am Batman no more.

MICHAEL CAINE

Subtle. Did you want to go kiss Kirsten Dunst upside-down in the rain, too?

AARON ECKHART holds a plot-explaining press conference, a scene that is quickly becoming a staple of the “Comic Book Movie About A Millionaire Playboy That Uses Technology To Build A Suit That Enables Him To Fight Evildoers” genre.

AARON ECKHART

Batman has offered to turn himself in. Are you people sure you want him to do this? If we go through with it, he might be replaced with Robin in the sequel.

RANDOM COP

Do it! Things are worse than evurrrrrrrr!

AARON ECKHART

Fine. I’m Batman, arrest me.

RANDOM COP

What? No, Batman has to be someone super-wealthy like, I dunno, Christian Bale for example. Don’t be stupid.

The POLICE arrest AARON and drive him to JAIL, but HEATH LEDGER shows up to FUCK SHIT UP. CHRISTIAN BALE’S car gets damaged, forcing him to resort to his unstable-looking BALE-POD, sold separately.

The SWAT van transporting AARON turns down a random road, which happens to be the exact road HEATH predicted, and therefore has a trap waiting.

AARON ECKHART

God damn, Heath is pretty smart for a guy that dresses like he’s going to a midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

CHRISTIAN BALE IN A RUBBER SUIT flips HEATH’S TRUCK using his BAT-PHYSICS-VIOLATOR, then rides up a wall in order to turn around like a BADASS. FANBOYS in the AUDIENCE cheer wildly for this, even though it looks RETARDED.

HEATH LEDGER

So it’s finally here. Me at one end of a Chicago street, you at the other. The epic battle between good and evil, teased in every advertisement for the movie! This is going to be awesome.

CHRISTIAN BALE crashes his bike like a PUTZ. HEATH laughs, then gets arrested by GARY OLDMAN, who is alive after all. Then the scene ends.

GARY OLDMAN

You see, this was all an elaborate plan to capture you! Including all the parts where a bunch of cops got killed!

HEATH LEDGER

That’s nothing, because MY plan included everything in your plan, but also some other stuff that gives me the upper hand after all! Eckhart and Gyllenhaal have been placed at opposite ends of the city with bombs strapped to them. You’ll only have time to save one.

BAT-BALE

That’s alright, the police will just save the other one.

HEATH LEDGER

Actually the police here are so incredibly inept that I am able to take their failure for granted in my grand scheme. Not that I look like the kind of guy that makes plans or anything.

GARY OLDMAN

We may be inept, but at least we don’t steal our dastardly plots from “Superman: The Movie.” Get your nose out of Gene Hackman’s ass.

CHRISTIAN tries to rescue MAGGIE but actually winds up saving AARON instead. ALL of MAGGIE blows up, HALF of AARON blows up, and ONE FOURTH of the AUDIENCE’S BLADDERS blow up.

Meanwhile, HEATH LEDGER escapes police custody using brabble frabble gloob glop.

INT. HOSPITAL

GARY OLDMAN visits AARON ECKHART, whose face has been half burnt off.

GARY OLDMAN

Holy fucking shit!

AARON ECKHART

Are you alarmed by my hideous scarring?

GARY OLDMAN

No, I just can’t believe how over-the-top Christopher Nolan went with the special effects on your face. I thought these movies were supposed to be realistic. Look at you, your fucking eyeball is hanging out. You look like the Toxic Avenger.

GARY leaves and HEATH LEDGER enters.

AARON ECKHART

You asshole, why did you kill my girlfriend?

HEATH LEDGER

I’m an agent of chaos. I just do things.

AARON ECKHART

Wow, that’s some sophisticated characterization there. As soon as I get out of these surprisingly strong bandages, I’m going to kill you!

HEATH LEDGER

Look, you don’t want to kill me for murdering her. You want to kill everyone else for failing to stop me from murdering her!

AARON ECKHART

That doesn’t make any sense at all.

HEATH LEDGER

And yet, it’s going to be your main character motivation for the rest of the movie. Now make with the murder, Sir Skins-A-Lot.

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S LAIR

MORGAN FREEMAN enters CHRISTIAN’S LAIR and finds an array of tiny LCDs monitoring the entire city using SONAR.

MORGAN FREEMAN

What the hell? How did you rig this thing up without me? You needed me to staple bat ears to a black mask.

BAT-BALE

I somehow installed your sonar technology in every phone in the city, and apparently everyone has bought a new phone in the past week. I need you to use this thing to find Heath Ledger.

MORGAN FREEMAN

This is totally unethical and I won’t stand for it.

BAT-BALE

What? This was YOUR plan. You didn’t give a shit when we were spying on Chinese guys but now you’re all pissy? What’s the difference between that and this?

MORGAN FREEMAN

Plausibility, mostly.

BAT-BALE

Well, this scene is getting dangerously close to actually having something to say, so we’d better hurry and get to a pointless action sequence.

CHRISTIAN and MORGAN figure out that HEATH is hiding out in a random building overlooking the harbor, where he has rigged two FERRIES with EXPLOSIVES.

MORGAN FREEMAN (O.S.)

(into Christian’s earpiece)

Alright, it looks like there are a bunch of hostages dressed as clowns and a bunch of kidnappers dressed as hostages. You should tell the SWAT guys so they don’t shoot the wrong people.

BAT-BALE

I think I’d rather beat the living shit out of them and leave them hanging off the side of a building instead.

CHRISTIAN walljumps his way to HEATH, who releases DOGS on him.

BAT-BALE

Oh no, dogs! Batman’s one true weakness!

BALE fights the dogs and then fights HEATH. Eventually HEATH falls off a ledge and plummets toward the ground, but CHRISTIAN saves him.

BAT-BALE

I saved you, Heath. That proves how committed I am to my sissy-pants moral code.

HEATH LEDGER

Huh. You didn’t seem to have a problem letting Liam Neeson die in the last movie, and all he did was blow up your house. I guess you loved your mansion more than Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t blame you, honestly.

BAT-BALE

I had to save you! You need to be in the next movie!

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah… about that…

EXT. BUILDING RUINS

AARON ECKHART has taken GARY OLDMAN’S FAMILY hostage.

GARY OLDMAN

Please don’t hurt my family. I know you’re trying to establish a major character shift in like five minutes, but still, this is pretty unbelievable.

AARON ECKHART

I’m going to kill your son, Gary. Please continue laying on the ground and doing absolutely nothing to stop me.

CHRISTIAN BALE shows up and shoves AARON off the building ledge to his OBVIOUSLY-NOT-ACTUAL-DEATH.

GARY OLDMAN

Way to avoid breaking your one rule, Bale.

BAT-BALE

We can’t let people find out he killed a bunch of people. Tell everyone I did it.

GARY OLDMAN

Hmm. You know, we could probably just blame everything on Heath Ledger, since he murdered like 500 other people during the movie.

BAT-BALE

No, it has to be me. Nothing else would be as arbitrarily dramatic.

GARY OLDMAN

Alright, I’ll go along with your plan to protect Eckhart’s reputation, somehow looking past the fact that he nearly just shot my son in the fucking face.

The POLICE chase CHRISTIAN BALE into the night while GARY tries to awkwardly contort his closing voiceover into something that lets him say the title of the movie.

CHRISTIAN BALE gives everyone in the AUDIENCE a MILLION DOLLARS and everyone rubs their movie tickets on themselves to CURE CANCER, because this is OHMIGOD THE BEST MOVIE EVER EVER EVER!

END

I know Jolly Jolly would appreciate this, but I have been obsessed with this image all morning.

2008-12-01T09:52:00.002-05:00

I have no idea who LUKE is, please tell me.

Made in Yu

2008-11-14T13:05:00.003-05:00

The first time I was blown away by a title sequence was the opening to se7en. Two semesters into film school and I was in awe of that. Much like the above piece that goes above and beyond what anybody else is doing. Check out ArtoftheTitle for more amazing title sequences.

What I've been doing....

2008-10-31T00:09:00.000-04:00

Flight of the Conchords

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I just can't stop listening to it...

2008-10-21T12:42:00.002-04:00

The only version of Thomas Tantrum's "shake it, shake it" is on youtube so here it is, well up above anyway. I just can't get enough of this band - Buy It, Steal It, Go see them wherever they are!

LEGO MiniFig - Dissected

2008-10-17T11:02:00.001-04:00

After killing and dissecting an endless amount of Lego minifigs, artist/designer/mad doctor Jason Freeny has created the definitive anatomy map of the iconic figure, showing all the details and naughty bits:

2008-10-12T12:56:00.001-04:00

OK, you won't watch the whole video, but this is awesome - something for everybody in the design biz:

It's about computer interface design, and how, given the limitations of the computer visuals and interactions, you should design an efficient user interface that allows users to do what they want, in the shortest time possible. Why? Because even though users go to your website for content, the amount of time they have to spend navigating through your site to find that content is a huge opportunity cost to them.

To retain visitors to your site or landing page, you need to present your content in the simplest manner possible without getting into the way of your visitors while utilizing the simplest interaction interface. If the interaction required increases, the users' information density decreases. When this happens, the content in your page decreases and users go away. Now, that's not what you'd want, especially for an internet web business.

The best interface is having no interface – If your user doesn't notice the interface that they're using, that's the best that can happen! If they do notice the interface, chances are they're not really noticing your product or service.

The fundamental idea is that your website falls somewhere in between the 2 poles of 'Boring' and 'Annoying.' You want to make the user's experience an interesting one on your website, but you don't want to annoy them; what you want is a Zen internet application, or what Raskin calls, 'an oasis interaction'.

'How am I supposed to create a user-friendly interface?' You may ask, because it's apparent that not all of us are computer interface design geniuses. There are a few things we can take home from Aza Raskin's talk which you can use to make your website one that balances between the poles of boring-ness and annoying-ness.

To the user, the interface is the product. Consider Bill Buxtom's marketing example: he puts up a picture of a bike for sale. Well, it looks nice, but it's not a compelling buy-me image. Compare this to a picture he puts up later of a guy rushing through a stream on the bike, with water and mud everywhere, but you can't see the bike. The latter picture portrays an image of an experience, and even though both bikes are the same, our reactions to them are different. Of course, that's not to say what you're selling is not important, it is! But it's the experience is what matters – images that help users self-identify with themselves are going to increase conversions and help retain the visitors to your site. Here are 10 ideas on ways you can enhance your website interaction for your visitors:

1.
Don't fall into the seduction of interaction; don't try to make things cool with lots of icons and flash pictures and multiple animations – its annoying.
2.
Instead of using lots of image links to make your website look interesting, try using tabs on the side instead (tabs on top require your visitor to scroll all the up, or all the way down the page to choose their next destination).
3.
Try using scroll functions for your websites: make your users scroll more (an example is the Google map, which zooms in and out when you scroll up or down) rather than click more.
4.
Don't ask your users to make decisions they don't care about (e.g. view browser in this dimension or that dimension – do visitors really care?)
5.
Take advantage of recognition – give people hints and suggestion of what they might want or need. You may want to include search bars in your website that says 'search this site' and provide auto suggestion like Google.
6.
Take note that more interaction means more processing – NOT more clicking.
7.
Content is still king – You have to make sure your website has useful content; it's hard making visitors come back to an empty site.
8.
Get rid of unnecessary words – go straight to the point.
9.
Design your website for easy scanning, not reading. Users like to scan content and choose only things that are of interest to them to read.
10.
Buttons and links should have short text and if you want people to click on it, make it look clickable.

Felix Gephart

2008-10-02T00:56:00.000-04:00

Yup, Ok this is really amazing stuff.

Treat Your Mother Right

2008-09-25T20:32:00.001-04:00

Eyvind Earle

2008-09-23T12:46:00.001-04:00

Just Amazing, amazing collections of detailed landscapes.

The Amazing X-Ray Art of Nick Veasey

2008-09-23T12:43:00.001-04:00

By some way the largest x-ray ever, this Boeing 777 jet being serviced was applied, life-size, to the front of a hangar at Logan Airport, Boston USA. A long and complicated process with over 500 separate x-rays of individual elements making up the finished image.

The Man Who Fell Asleep

2008-09-22T23:25:00.000-04:00

from the artist:

Hello, strangers of the internet. This page is a gallery of pictures. The pictures are simple enough: the people in the photos have been digitally removed and replaced with drawings. Yeah, I know: anyone can trace a drawing. But so what? I am doing it, and you're not. You're sitting at home doing nothing. Or maybe you're surfing the web at work. I don't know. I'm not psychic.

Maybe the pictures illustrate the idea that we all want to remove ourselves from life, and replace ourselves with fictional, self-created versions of ourself. We want to fictionalise our own existence, and impose order and narrative where there is none.

Anyway, some of the photos are just pics of friends and family and some are random photos I found on the web. I apologise if I have accidentally transformed anyone into art.

There's also a bit of a tutorial explaining how the pics are made, so you can replicate them at home if you want.

Just Amazing

2008-09-21T12:06:00.001-04:00

This is an amazing collection of some of the most amazing show posters.

Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

2008-09-20T15:08:00.002-04:00

Stealing your co-worker's lunch is a downright contemptible act, that is, if it's perpetrated by someone other than you. But, if you've ever had your lunch stolen, you know the the frustration and anger it causes. You know the revenge and ill-will it inspires. And you know that no matter how well you try to hide your lunch bag at the back of the refrigerator, something's gonna be missing when you open it. Well, lament no more. The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag to the rescue . . .

Anti-Theft Lunch Bags are regular sandwich bags that have green splotches printed on both sides. After your sandwich is placed inside, no one will want to touch it.

If you're interested in getting your hands dirty with these bags, please send an email to skforlee@gmail.com

...just because I live in Stratford (although not that one)

2008-09-10T01:27:00.000-04:00

I agree...

2008-09-10T01:26:00.001-04:00

The Bathtub Test

2008-09-06T12:37:00.000-04:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

Knock Knock

2008-09-06T12:33:00.000-04:00

Design ideas I wish I had:

2008-09-06T12:16:00.002-04:00

Cup Cooley

Ice Orb

Excersize Ball Mania - come on it's Saturday!

2008-09-06T12:09:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I think this might be a threadless shirt

2008-08-30T11:40:00.001-04:00

A graphic poem - good, but not great

2008-08-26T18:07:00.001-04:00

Dane Flighty

2008-08-26T15:09:00.001-04:00

I love his work, please, please check him out!

I kinda thougth this was funny for a minute, don't hate me.

2008-08-23T14:14:00.001-04:00

Pete Goldlust

2008-08-22T15:06:00.002-04:00

It's my understanding that they are just as delicious as regular crayons.

National Museum of Health and Medicine

2008-08-22T14:50:00.002-04:00

Some photo collections are captivating for the moment or the context. Some are fascinating because of their material. Usually these are crafted ny artists, often with a vision or message to convey. These photos are fascinating and they convey exactly what the photographer wanted to convey: a record of anatomical anomoly. In this case the photographers were scientists.

Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow

2008-08-21T14:10:00.003-04:00

I can't explain how much I love this site, his work and overall choice in: color, subject, medium, [fuck] I like it all!

Online gallery for UK Artist/Illustrator RUSS MILLS.

Dirty Hippies ... Get a real job!

2008-08-21T14:06:00.004-04:00

Let's face it: reading environmental journalism too often feels like eating your vegetables. Boiled. With no butter.

But at Grist, we believe that news about green issues and sustainable living doesn't have to be predictable, demoralizing, or dull. We butter the vegetables! And add salt! And strain metaphors!

We exist to tell the untold stories, spotlight trends before they become trendy, and engage the apathetic. We're fiercely independent in our coverage; we throw brickbats when they're needed and bestow kudos when they're warranted. And while we take our work seriously, we don't take ourselves seriously, because of the many things this planet is running out of, sanctimonious tree-huggers ain't one of them.

Grist is based in the Emerald City of Seattle, in the Evergreen State of Washington (see the green theme?), with contributors scattered the world 'round. We are a nonprofit organization funded by foundation grants, reader contributions, and just a touch of advertising. Our website and email services are free -- and worth every penny.

Grist: it's gloom and doom with a sense of humor. So laugh now -- or the planet gets it.

Holy shit ...Ouch!

2008-08-18T20:24:00.001-04:00

Feb 8, 2008

Injured Wobbly awaits trial for resisting arrest
Annals of labor
By STEVEN STYCOS | August, 2008

One year after North Providence police severely injured Alexandra Svoboda during a demonstration, she awaits a fifth knee surgery and a trial for resisting arrest.

Svoboda, who lives in Providence’s West End, was hurt August 11, 2007, when North Providence police arrested her after ordering about 40 marchers to move from Mineral Spring Avenue to the sidewalk.

The protest, led by the International Workers of the World (IWW), targeted Jackie’s Galaxy restaurant for doing business with a New York supplier accused of underpaying its warehouse workers. Another protestor, Jason Friedmutter of Providence, was also arrested.

The North Providence police actions prompted a second demonstration that drew 200 people, raising questions about whether that would mark an apex for the local IWW faction. So far, no officer has been disciplined for what Providence IWW delegate Jason Tompkins calls “the attack.”

Although he says Svoboda’s injury was “unfortunate,” Richard Fossa, chief of staff to North Providence Mayor Charles Lombardi, says, “The police officers weren’t found to be doing anything they don’t usually do,” and he confirms, “No one was reprimanded in any way.”

Svoboda declined comment, due to her pending trial. Tompkins, however, blames the incident on what he calls police inexperience. All demonstrators did not immediately leave the street when ordered, he concedes, but at the time of the scuffle with Svoboda, most were on the sidewalk. “Without that training to keep a level head,” Tompkins says, “[the police] didn’t know what to do.”

Attorney General Patrick Lynch plans to investigate the incident, but he has to wait until after Svoboda’s trial, explains Alan Goulart, chief of the AG’s criminal division. To receive a jury trial, Svoboda waived her case into Superior Court, where prosecutions are handled by the AG, not the North Providence town solicitor.

That created a conflict of interest for the AG’s office, says Goulart. To solve the problem, Lynch will soon hire an outside lawyer. Then, when the trial is finished, the AG will interview Svoboda about police actions dur-ing her arrest. “We can’t complete our investigation until we talk with Svoboda,” Goulart says.

The case is scheduled for an August 28 pre-trial conference. Svoboda’s lawyer, Robert Mann, says he has no complaints about the long delay, since his client’s arrest for resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and simple assault. “It’s a complicated case,” he says. “It requires a lot of work.”

Tompkins says the case has diverted the attention of the IWW’s 30-member Providence branch from labor organizing. Instead, the group has focused its efforts on publicizing the case and holding benefits to pay Svoboda’s legal and living expenses.

Immediately after the injury, Svoboda says, she spent two weeks in the hospital and had four surgeries. For the next six months, she walked with crutches, and she still walks with a cane, wears a knee brace, and attends twice-weekly physical therapy, she says. She cannot work or resume classes at the Community College of Rhode Island, Svoboda adds, because she has two more knee surgeries scheduled this fall.

On August 10, the IWW will hold an anniversary event at Olneyville’s Donigan Park with music, food, and speakers to publicize Svoboda’s case and to celebrate her partial recovery.

It always feels like, somebody's watching me...

2008-08-18T19:47:00.001-04:00

A public art project conceived and produced by Paul Strong Jr.

In a time and place very similar to the here and now, a new surveillance agency has been created to ensure our perceived safety through mass observation. This easily deployed agency has broken the divide between technology and the humans who monitor it. Their mission is to observe and record the public with an unprecedented efficiency.

The Camerahead Project is presented through the eyes of 10 Camerahead agents, and the images they record. The project not only raises the questions of who is watching who, and who is watching the watchers, but also asks questions of why we are being watched at all.

One of the biggest challenges facing us today is how we can protect our personal rights of basic privacy. We are constantly being tracked, monitored, and recorded by any number of government institutions and corporations at any given time. As the use of technology increases the data about our daily habits and even visual images of who we are becomes more and more accessible by more and more people. We have to keep setting limits to protect our personal liberties before it becomes too late, if it hasn’t already.

Lego(ed) Album Covers

2008-08-17T09:39:00.003-04:00

So Toy Zone put up this amazing collection of lego album covers. Check it out for pretty much every Beatles album ever, Cradle of Filth, Kaiser Chiefs, Nirvana, Offspring, on and on.

Beatles

Strokes

Not So Scary ...In The Daylight

2008-08-16T12:46:00.003-04:00

I stumbled across this last night and it just gave me a chuckle. Come on everybody, chuckle with me!

So, what do you do?

2008-08-14T09:36:00.001-04:00

His mother is just so ...obese.

2008-08-09T09:14:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Stupid Question

2008-08-08T14:14:00.001-04:00

best of craigslist > washington, DC > Ask a silly question
Originally Posted: Thu, 3 May 14:34 EDT
Ask a silly question
Date: 2007-05-03, 2:34PM EDT

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??

* Location: crackedmeupville
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 323692159

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I just stumbled on this...

2008-08-04T22:15:00.002-04:00

This is a clean idea, i like it.

and i bought chunky black glasses last October to replace the chunky brown glasses i had.

A Nation of Wimps from GNM Parents

2008-08-04T22:09:00.000-04:00

I’d heard of helicopter parents. They’re a pop culture phenomenon, but they’re also a very real problem. In Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, Hara Estroff Marano makes some startling arguments about the effects of parental over-involvement.

Her book is persuasive and telling. Carefully siting a vast range of research, Marano outlines the way that parenting has changed. Once, children were left to play on their own, to practically raise themselves. Now, parents are told that they are responsible for every aspect of their child’s future. Getting them into the right preschool means college success someday. Children today, Marano argues, are over-scheduled, over-stressed, and over-extended. Rather than helping our children become better adults, this invasive approach to parenting is stopping them from reaching important developmental milestones.

While the book is about childhood, the impetus for the book came from a trend that Marano noticed in college students. In the last few years, the number of college students who suffer breakdowns or are medicated for depression has grown exponentially. College aged students, she found, were becoming more and more fragile. The book traces this event back through childhood. By not allowing children to become their own people through play, through unstructured activities, through…well, being a child, we deprive them of important experiences that have a physiological effect. Our brains need those unstructured childhood experiences to lay the groundwork for dealing with the challenges of adult life.

In one of the most thought-provoking chapters, Marano suggests that research has shown that a large number of children medicated for ADHD may be better served by being allowed to play more. Rather than medication, they need recess, but schools are increasingly “teaching to the test” and reducing the amount of recess and free exploration. By no means does Marano suggest that ADAH is an effect of less playtime, but instead she claims that a percentage of those children being medicated might be treated other ways. It’s a provocative argument, in this age of “the medicated child,” but like some parts of the book, it smacks of the easy fix.

Which is not to say that the book is not well researched or supported. Marano has done her homework and relies heavily upon scientific studies to backup her suggestions. At times, that works against the readability of the book for the average parent. But a reader who makes it through the book will be rewarded. While I don’t consider myself an overly invasive involved parent, I can see that impulse to give my child the best life I can give him. In a world where it seems like every parent is doing this class or signing their child up for that team, this book helps put childhood back in perspective.

Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting. By: Hara Estroff Marano

Grammar Cheat Sheet Written by Alexander Charchar

2008-08-04T13:27:00.004-04:00

I am a real ass when it comes to language, syntax, spelling and grammar. English is a language and therefore a form of communication. If you cannot verbally communicate you are not human. When I stumbled across this rant at retinart.com by Alex Charchar I had to reprint it.

-David

When you know the correct way to structure a sentence, the world becomes a scary place – you start to notice how many people get it painfully wrong. The ease of content creation that the web now affords us is making the problem worse, so why not get a basic understanding to help make your text a little more professional?

Before we get into this, let's establish two things.

1. A lot of these 'rules' are different country to country, decade to decade.
The way a proof reader or typesetter might lay out a page in Britain is different to how it might be done in America. How it's done in 1985 is different than how it might be done in 2005. The styles of typesetting can change over time and throughout different regions.

2. Always be consistent, even if it might not be 'correct'.
Some companies will have certain ways they layout text, even if it might be considered wrong for their geographic location. But they are consistent with how they lay their text out and that is the most important thing. You don't want your audience to get half way through a piece of text and get confused because you changed the way you laid something out.

Double Spaces

Never use them. Ever. Your high-school teacher was wrong, don't ever use them.
Apostrophes

An apostrophe is inserted when letters are removed.
Let's go to the race. (Let us go to the race.)
It's going to be a great day. (It is going to be a great day.)

The other use of the apostrophe is to show ownership.
The runner's shoes.
Mayor Swanks' opening speech.

Tip: If the last letter of the owners name ends in s, place the apostrophe on the end without adding the extra s.
Commas

Ah the lovely comma. A comma can help you set the pace of your text, but don't go crazy.
He ran faster and faster, faster still, his muscles burnt, his face dripped.

Is more interesting than:
He ran faster and faster. His muscles burnt and his face dripped.

There are also a few rules when using a comma:

1. Use it to divide items in a list (of three or four items), when in a run-on sentence.
2. Use with and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet.
She ran as fast as her body would let her, yet it wasn't enough.
3. Use to separate contrasting parts of a sentence.
She felt she couldn't summon the energy to run the fastest, she was wrong.
4. Use in a similar way to parenthesis, but when you don't want to break the flow.
She smashed her feet on the pavement, not realising the damage she was doing, in an effort to win.

Paragraphs

This can be a problem on the web, as apparently the 'enter' key is a little hard to find. We've all seen those sites, where someone posts an article that isn't broken into paragraphs correctly. The problem with this is that your text needs to breathe, flow well and look smooth – a lot of this is achieved by well spaced paragraphs. A couple of simple guidelines:

1. Stick to around 5 sentences
The reality is that you can have as many sentences in a paragraph that you feel is needed to get your point across, but for arguments sake, let's save five or six is somewhat of a limit.
2. Keep each paragraph topical and relative.
Don't make two distinct points in one long paragraph when two short ones will work better.

Quotation Marks

The British will use single quotes, then double quotes, when there is a quote within a quote.
'I can't forget I "can run as fast as lightning" for as long as I need' Samantha told herself.

While the Americans will do this the other way around.
"I can't forget I 'can run as fast as lightning' for as long as I need" Samantha told herself.

The British idea is that single quote marks are less obtrusive, the American idea is that double quotation marks are more noticeable. So really, they have their preference for the exact same reason. However, as I am an Australian, I go by the British standard of singles first.
Punctuation in Quotes

If the question mark, full stop or any other punctuation is part of the quote, then include it within the quotation marks.
He raised an eyebrow and scoffed, "Did you hear that Samantha is 'going to run me into the ground' at today's race?"

If the quote is part of a sentence, and the punctuation isn't part of the quote, then keep the punctuation on the outside.
To think, he thought he could win, he even went as far as to say 'you aren't even a blip on my radar', in that cocky I'm-a-prick tone of his.

If the whole sentence is a quote, then keep the punctuation inside of the marks.
'I won, I won, I won, even with this athletes foot, I won! Whooo!'
Hyphens & Dashes

There is a difference here and this is probably the thing most people get wrong on the web.

The hyphen is essentially used to join two words together, without space on either side.

Dashes are different. There is either the en dash or the em dash. An en dash will be the width of the capital N in any given font, while the em dash is the width of a capital M in said font, and they both have different usages.

Em Dash (in HTML: —)
You would use an em dash instead of a comma or brackets as it helps give emphasis and is the typographical equivalent of the dun-dun-da music. Just make sure you never have space on either side of an em dash.
The race was almost over—but it was only really beginning for Sam.
The race was almost over—it has been a hard hour for all—and it was only down to a few contenders.

En Dash (in HTML: –)
The en dash is used between a range of numbers, while kept closed, and is best used when the span is part of a list.
1–5 runners are expected to fail.
10–25 runners will be hurt.

However, if the span is part of running prose, then it's generally nicer (phonetically and typographically) to use from and to, but use your own judgement on this.
One to five runners are expected to fail.
The mini-Olympics will run from the 29th until the 30th.
The temperature is expected to have a top of 20–25 degrees on the day of the race.

Another use of the en dash is when you want to offset a phrase, but without the sudden hit of an em dash. Use it with a space either side.
Winning a race can be very hard work – I knew I could do it.

Tip: An easy way to easily insert the correct dashes into your writing, if using a CMS or something similar is to type out -- for en dashes, or --- for em dashes. Then perform a find and replace and presto, you're done.
Numbers

This is nice and easy – numbers up to ten are typed in full, 11 and beyond are numerical. However, sometimes it's nicer to spell them out.
Runners eight and 17 broke their legs.
The first place winner won two million dollars, second place received $158.

Type it Write. A Voice project.
The Elements of Typographic Style – Robert Bringhurst.

I'm willing to bet you own the second book, or currently waiting for it to arrive (seriously, this thing is the typographic bible), but the first may be a little obscure to some of you. It's a small book that was put together by the Voice group from Adelaide, Australia. It's an awfully handy little thing and well worth grabbing a copy, whenever you see it.

REFERENCES & LINKS:

http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexperts/faq/

http://www.alistapart.com/stories/emen/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punctuation

excuse me, what?!?

2008-08-03T09:23:00.000-04:00

OZARK, Mo. -- A family from Branson wants answers about what happened to their son that left him hospitalized. Early Saturday morning, police found Mace Hutchinson, 16, underneath the Highway F overpass over U.S. 65.

Mace ended up in intensive care at a hospital. His parents believe the actions of Ozark police officers contributed to his injuries and slowed doctors’ abilities to speed his recovery.

“We called the police. My wife was afraid he was going to get ran over or hit,” said witness Doug Messersmith.

Messersmith and his wife were the last known people to see 16-year-old boy walking, shortly before their phone call to 911.

“He looked a little agitated but, other than that, he didn't look to be falling down drunk or anything like that,” he said.

By the time officers arrived, the teen was off the 30-foot overpass, lying on the shoulder below along U.S. 65, with no good explanation as to how he got there.

“According to the doctors, all injuries are consistent with a fall,” said his aunt, Samantha.

Mace's dad believes it was just that, a fall, not a jump. The question is why.

“They tested his system. He was clean of drugs and alcohol. We don't know why unless just being in shock and the whole thing in itself caused him to forget everything,” said Hutchinson.

His aunt says he is undergoing major surgery for a broken back and broken heel. While he was lying on the ground, she wonders why Ozark police used an electric stun gun on him up to 19 times.

“I'm not an officer, but i don't see the reason for ‘Tasering’ somebody laying there with a broken back. I don't consider that a threat,”

His dad says the use of the stun gun delayed what would have been immediate surgery by two days.

“The ‘Tasering’ increased his white blood cell count and caused him to have a temperature so they could not go into the operation.”

“He refused to comply with the officers and so the officers had to deploy their Tasers in order to subdue him. He is making incoherent statements; he's also making statements such as, ‘Shoot cops, kill cops,’ things like that. So there was cause for concern to the officers,” said Ozark Police Capt. Thomas Rousset.

Police say although there are several unanswered questions; the reason for the use of a stun gun is not one of them.

“It's a big concern for the officers to keep this guy out of traffic, to keep him from getting hurt,” said Rousset.

Mace was still in intensive care on Wednesday night, listed in fair condition. He was scheduled for surgery again on Thursday. The family, along with the Ozark Police Department, hopes someone will see this report and come forward with some information. You can call (417) 699-4789 with information or call the Ozark Police Department.

i don't like snakes anymore

2008-08-01T11:52:00.000-04:00

for Brendan Kelly who is a better writer and almost as handsome.

2008-07-31T22:38:00.001-04:00

[sic] defined:

Enclose [sic] within brackets (we italicize but never underline the word sic and we do not italicize the brackets themselves) to show that misspelled words or inappropriately used words are not your own typos or blunders but are part of an accurately rendered quotation:

I draw a smiley face in the frost of the cab window and sign it: Oranj. Somebody would pay $10,000 for that window, instead I pay the cab fare and try and remember if my key is in my front or back pocket. Surely the lump in my right back pocket is the satchel of Coke given to me by a stranger, much like my life; given to me by strangers. I am a 29 year old millionaire who draws squiggly lines for a living. A very, very, very good living. It’s 1982, New York City and John Lennon is no longer a resident.
The doorman opens the front door with a smile and I explain that I don’t have keys. “Not a problem” is the answer. “Not the first time” is my reply. I am David Marshall the darling of Manhattan, the savior of art. I do lines off Julian Schnabel’s Daughter’s bedside table. It’s 1982 New York City – who are you?
My residence is substantial and forebodingly cramped with products of my insanity. I made a series of paintings just this morning that are still drying by the window. 5 ten foot canvases sprawled with little figures of inter-racial men masturbating. I mixed my own cum with the Gesso to add authenticity and a tinge of humor (for myself) to each piece. It’s 1982 New York City and I haven’t slept in four days.
I designed the bed myself, tongue in cheek as a giant tree house. There are five rungs in the ladder to its entrance and I am rarely in any state to negotiate properly, so I sleep on the couch or the floor of the parlor. I hired a company to make a carpet for the parlor that reminds me of the flokati rug of my childhood. The floor covering is over 16 inches thick and it feels like you are walking in mud to move about the room. I left the gallery early tonight, it’s only four a (period) m (period.) Tonight this pompous ass told me that my work is too accessible. What the fuck does that mean? Every piece in the gallery had sold months ago; my new work had yet to be seen!
Hey cabby – keep that window cold it’s a completed piece!
What the fuck does some child know about the lifespan of art? Some of the greatest artist’s throughout time have been scarcely realized while they were living. What would a living master (like me) know about its expiration? Do we really think of anything in terms of its longevity? Isn’t it about the “NOW” or the “MOMENT?” Is it not 1982 New York City?
The sun rises through my kitchen and is darkened by the dining room paintings of Basquiat, who has decided to paint three 15 foot canvases dark purple and then trade them with me over a plate of cocaine for 6 five foot drawings of Irish immigrants screened over a projection of a potato. Jean always was a keen business man and a frugal collector. It’s funny how the persona of a “tasteful” collector can make you drop your asking price. Had it been Warhol I would have asked for an installation piece of his hair – string from fishing line above the Hudson River. I have to admit to my state at the time as: drunk and a little psychotic. Something I don’t often do, but fall pray to it whenever the drugs wear off. Which I would like to assure you is rarely. I have never been so lucid and complete as I am after a four or five day binge of drugs and more drugs. Although Jean prefers Wine and often closes deals like “ours” in a similar state. It’s 1982 New York fucking City – where were you?

“I had some money; I made the best paintings ever. I was completely reclusive, worked a lot, and took a lot of drugs. I was awful to people.” - SAMO

I loved SAMO more than anyone; I mean this to the point that I have never wanted better company, at any time – ever. Jon (as I called him, much to his irritation) was the person that if you wanted to do ANYTHING with your life, you would want his blessing/validation. If he thought it was a bad idea – it was. When I wanted to employ strippers full time for my dining room, he was the 1 person who thought it (too much!) Imagine SAMO thinking something was too much. It’s 1982 New York City – there is no such thing as too much!
As the sun darkens my parlor (thanks Jon) I moan to myself about how tomorrow I will change everything. Don’t get me wrong by all conventions I am at the peak of my career. Nothing is “WRONG” except I keep doing these drugs and living this life (not a choice made) and, and, and…it’s 1982 New York City – What the fuck were you doing?
My skin is Irish blue and I hate the sun. I would never be caught on a beach, or an island just laying there. I COME from an island country, only mine is covered in fog and cold and lapped at forever by a sea that has failed to provide for it’s audience like it has for it’s other coastal brethren. I say I am Irish in the sense of the North American Irish, or the NAI as I think of myself as. A romantic bunch with family ties to the old country, but not the cultural or familial ties needed to create a bond. Basically my Grandfather was a prick who knocked up a (younger than his wife) fellow parishioner to his church and had to leave before her Father killed him. Nice job, well done. It wasn’t too many years after graduation that I thought about other avenues and asked my Dad about my Irish citizenship rights. His reply was definitive “Your Grandfather didn’t break his back and work his ass off to bring us here, so you could go back.” I can only imagine it as I’m an overcompensated junkie with a 4500 square foot loft in Greenwich; who has never taken a vacation in his adult life. Would I go home to Ireland? NO.
New York City 1982 feels like the center of the fucking universe to me. There is not a moment that is not documented or reported. I slept all day and went out for food at 11PM to Bagel Buffet; outside I was photographed with several strangers and watched as I both walked to and from the Deli. Nothing unusual, except you would put more into it than it was at the time. I don’t care about the photos or the press or the idea of the conjecture of the opinion of the state I was in. The fact is I was pleasant as I am capable and still achieve my objective – which is to get some food. As to Why? What? Who? Cares? I was doing the thing I always do. Andy (Warhol) told me that I have to be aware of my status, realize my position and act accordingly. (He may have said “they are always watching you to watch you.) In as far as I can process it, “think whatever you want about me” the average person is not buying into my shit, and I am certainly not buying into theirs. It’s motherfuckin’ 1982 and its NYC muthafuckas!
I lie in the deep shag of my parlor and envision Andy’s shoe drawings. I fucked a girl once (surprise!) who began our courtship with a diatribe about how painful her shoes were and the logistics of the calf and its presentation. I (of course) associated the word “calf” with SEX, and promptly ended our “conversation” with repeatedly sticky my penis into her and then into her again. She may have been the goddamn messiah repeating the gospel for all I know. Whenever a woman even remotely alludes to sex, I am absolutely enthralled with the conversation. Even if the reference has been remote, and (worse) when it has NOT even been alluded to. I have been known to fuck and fuck again women (not a woman, but meaning multiple) in a single night. Not that that is occurring now, in my parlor – in 16 inches of hand spun wool – in a loft bigger then most corporate headquarters – in a city more trivial than a Rubik’s cube – in my depraved mind, no none of this is happening. There isn’t any pissing on girls, or anal orgasm, or any semblance of debauchery here. It is simply a lucky fucking Irishman and his worst fears gathered up and waiting for the front door of reality to open. It’s 1982 New York City and where the fuck else do you think an asshole like me could make a living?

AND … CHAPTER 2
Is this a living, or some fucking nightmare come true? I have a recurring nightmare that doesn’t involve your typical demons and devils, but a theory. From the John Denver/ George Burns hit of 1977 “Oh God” If you could do it all over again, would you? My nightmare is that I couldn’t do it all the same way. Not that I want to possess the same material things, but I want to have met the same people and to have had the same experiences. To arrive at the same point that I am at now, wouldn’t that indicate happiness? Not necessarily, one can judge one’s self rather acutely in dreams. I have so far deemed my experience to be negative and therefore not worth doing again, but then why I am I so apprehensive about NOT being able to re-create it? It’s 1982 New York City – Who has the time or the energy for dreams?
I feel down to my back pocket and realize, not only am I still dressed in the same clothes for the last four days, but that a very, obnoxiously large satchel of cocaine is contained within my designer jeans. Removing it I try to remember the face of the man who so happily gave it to me, I scarcely remember the time let alone the face. I think he was Jewish only because he was eager and well dressed. He shoved the package into my hand in an almost suspicious manner. One which I am non-accustomed as in the world as I know it, gifts of such depravity and illegality are given without a second thought. I have consumed copious amounts of drugs in open view and without warning or reprise. But... I digress its 1982 New York City and…
I really must explain the alteration in narrative. I am a well-read, well-educated son of a soldier turned lawyer. I am the youngest Brother to several geniuses in my family, by no means illiterate or unworldly. It’s just that New York City in 1982 is not a worldly place. It is watched by the world, it is representative of the world, BUT, it has denied the world any say in its representation. 1982 New York City is not the WORLD, how many of us would admit that? I would be the last hand up in class.

Everyone knows it, and everyone, of course, knows just what to make of it. Depending on one's dedication to high art, one knows that Warhol's career either betrays his true genius or invalidates his work. Everyone is wrong. He would not miss so often without the power of his early work and its logic of self-destruction. The more often he repeats the mark of erasure, the harder it gets to read. Even the mark of abstract painters since 1970 runs less risk.

All this hoopla by John Haber has me tossing in my sleep, although it is still somewhat drug-induced and only-when-necessary as my friend’s say. What the fuck did this guy do to analyze and dissect Andy? I didn’t like Andy Warhol much and I wouldn’t have said those things. Like any one of us, Andy was a pleasant, comforting guy who wanted to be himself, and at that time it wasn’t easy. He made it easier for all of us; even the graphic designers have it easier thanks to him. Does anyone think a poster of a couple of baby bottles and a Latino in a doorway would sell tickets to a play? Not until now, and that is Andy’s legacy. I wish he were here (and Jean too) to laugh at how much we did in the state we were almost always in. Does it say something about society? I can’t say, but when a troubled genius can change the next twenty tears of art – I would say it’s worth a giggle.

The Buzzcocks song “Boredom” comes to mind when I think of my Sister, who is without a doubt the SYMBOL of maternal life; where two children that she adores and raises as her sole purpose in life. She couldn’t possibly be a more: wonderful and simple creature on the scope of wonderful and simple creatures. In our childhood, we were the closest and fought more than the others, but always on different levels. She would be out of her mind to be laying here in a parlor, exhausted and a little humiliated that she has been discovered.
I mean “discovered” in the sense of being found in a particular position as opposed to ME being “discovered” at an F.I.T. showing at Mary Boone Gallery where I coated a chair with a prostitute’s lipstick (which I had stolen.) The chair gleamed like a trophy in the spotlights of the gallery’s lights. I drew a dashed line on the floor around the chair in sidewalk chalk and secretly begged the viewer to cross that line – to my surprise - they all did, and were punished with a lipstick stain.
It was this sort of “multi-media/lism” that got everyone’s attention. The use of organic (lipstick if you can believe it) and inorganic (the chair of all things) mediums to elicit a response was revolutionary; at the time the installation was done. I remember it being more of an embarrassing first meeting, where I over-stayed my welcome and wore-out the doormat, if you know what I mean.
I spent all afternoon (I am not much for mornings) drawing on this chair, knowing I had a finite medium, I was careful to not exploit it, as it had an expiration date. I was careful to cover parts I knew people (anyone) would touch or “experience” as my peers would say. It occurred to me that at that point (having a finite medium) that your audience must be “directed” by the symbolism – it wasn’t until years later how true I knew that idealism. “They will follow when you lead.” Jean told me one night in the waning days of the Mud Club. Fuck it, we were there for the free drinks and really, really good pussy. Jean had a way of making a reserved/classic woman, do the most guttural and foul things without shame! Some young girl would pleasure us both and be happy about it! Had it been anyone but Jean, it would have been some back-alley absurdity that they were ashamed of. Not for the celebrity of the moment, they had no idea who we were! It was Jean Paul Basquiat being Jean Paul Basquiat. Nobody knew him like I did.
Nobody knew me like I did. I feel betrayed now that he is no longer among us. Sure, he would articulate his opinion about my decisions. He never judged me for them. Jean offered advice and guidance, whether I needed or recognized it or NOT. Jean was the sort of artist that would say and do things all by himself – without regard for who saw or verified what had occurred. I was enamored by him, a true artist for the sake of art. Not one discussion in a lifetime of discussions ended or summarized or culminated in any form of a lesson or judgment. He was to me the worst critic and the best friend I never deserved.

On a Friday night in November we had consumed far too much cocaine to get any sleep or do anything productive (if that existed for us) the next day. My initial thoughts were to go home, sleep it off. Jean saw it as a moment of clarity – of infinite possibility. There is nothing too outrageous for a moment like this. Shock for shock’s sake is absurd, but freedom from all convention is truly freedom. We called information from a Greenwich Village phone booth for a Long Island Fishing Tours company. Within a moment – the phone - the cab – the crazed dogs – we were fishing the sound by dawn. Which was less than dramatic than one would think (everything considered.) It was a moment in my life I reflect on often, a serene moment filled with normalcy. In retrospect maybe Jean was trying to gain something – or live something he had conjured in his mind. Many, many, many art historians will tell you this. But truly we thought about deep sea fishing and how remote an idea that was to us – and he made it our reality. We didn’t catch a thing. Jean spent most of the trip getting sick in the galley. Not in the head were one would go for such intimate moments. I talked the life out of the “Captain” who was more interested in his galley than us catching fish. He tried to help us with the experience, but honestly two guys who look like junkies paying him $9,000 to take us fishing at four in the morning. He was obviously aware that we were not interested in fishing. He asked me several times what type of fish I hoped to catch and my answer was:
“The elusive Sturgeon.”

Jean was the sort of friend that made a good time out of anything. He was so open and available. I can only imagine what Gina thought of me. It never occurred to me to consider her, but she was a constant figure in our lives. Jean always dealt with her, but left us to earn our own rank with her. My initial meeting with her was a tense argument over musical taste that is best summed by a Pixies lyric:
“. . . All I know is that (laughing) there were rumors that he was into field hockey players. . . ”

Gina made as much sense to me as these lyrics. She was always a sideshow, a dramatic emphasis on a mundane moment. We agreed years later that one of us is an asshole, but we don’t know who. I am to blame for all of Jean’s excesses and she is to blame for all of Jean’s domesticity. There was never a reason offered or apparent for their relationship, but one my end – there wasn’t any judgment either way.

I twist open the package given by the eager Jew and survey its contents quickly. It is easily enough drugs to kill myself. What a strange thought to be so complacent with death that it occurs to you without hesitation. My Mother would whisper the words of disaster:
Cancer
Divorce
Homosexuality

I imagine her at a country club in Florida forced to admit that her youngest, most troubled Son is (whisper) Oranj.

The next ten minutes of my life are filled with me trying to process what I had just created. All in one moment I had reasoned that I am ready to DIE, and that my Mother’s opinion has some validity. At the moment – this is too much, and I dive head first into the satchel of cocaine now consuming me left hand without reserve for any of my previous thoughts. Every orifice is filled with cocaine and I believe that all those thoughts are being washing away. My head a disgusting temple atop a modest body draws back – filled with the glorious, GOD building drug. I collapse onto the revolving water wheel of my 3rd grade trip to a windmill and my Mother vanishes into an imagined pool of both water and sky – the romanticized experience from twenty years earlier.
“I have to leave New York” I admit over the phone to my agent – a woman I hired for her ruthlessness, honesty and conviction. Our first appointment was marred with her knowledge of “people like me” and my insistence that I am not like “those people.” Let me get admissions out of the way right now – I am one of “those people.” Without knowing any better at the time, I thought of myself as “unique” or even “original.” When it comes to finance taxes – I am just another nightmare client for my business manager/agent/accountant.
“You can’t afford to leave New York” is the answer. She’s right; I have considerable assets, but only in NYC. My gallery loan is nearly a million dollars. I didn’t even need the loan, but in NYC in 1982 – the gallery pays for everything. Little did I know that I was actually paying for everything – UP FRONT. If I sell my home and liquidate my collection I am probably worth $20,000,000.00. As of right now, I’m worth the $600 I have in my bag. Oh GOD where is my bag? I used to be so good at keeping track of my belongings, but this past year I have really let it slip. Last month (or was it last week?) I left a drawing Julian gave me (with much grandiosity) in a cab. After admitting this to him, he hired an assistant for me. A timid, bright eyed, eager, thoughtful and utterly gullible young girl who I had sex with the first day. From that moment on (last week) Julian has been more bearable.
I talk so much about Jean, that you really can’t get a sense for the rest of us. Well, you know I am an indulgent-lucky asshole. Julian Schnabel is a tremendously creative and driven artist. Andy Warhol is a tricky and elusive friend. I hesitate to elaborate, because they both embody and legitimize New York City 1982.
November: Marky is replaced by Richie. I went to the Islip, Long Island show with a girl who could easily be a puzzle as much as a person. The Ramones begun as a secret indulgence, and grew to be an inspiring, valid form of expression for me, us – we. Initially, I was known for my taste in music. I played Run-DMC long before they made any money. In the dorms at FIT, I was a nuisance. Granted I wasn’t a student, but I was there. Playing Rap at dorm gatherings and later at McManus’ bar. It was hip to us and new to everyone else, it was that switching moment – when everything gets flipped and reversed. You are either expecting it, or are prepared for it.
I felt like I was prepared for it, maybe I wasn’t. Crossing these boundaries had a lot of responsibilities that I wasn’t equipped to handle. What I was exposing to people–my peers, needed to be understood and reasoned. I wasn’t the most capable at that time. I was a self indulgent asshole looking to outshine my peers. It ended up with me having to explain culture and exposure to the very peers who felt they were “exposed” and “cultured.” The influence this “exposure” had on them was profound.
To this day I regret having exploited a force I was not a part of creating. I played a major part in exposing it, even using it for personal reasons. At the time this wasn’t exploitation, and in the same vain owning a slave wasn’t slavery. I took a big step backwards when I realized that this music was both urban and spoken for. Rap was an artistic outlet for so much of the silenced population. At the same time being an inspirational force in that same segment of the population, that revering their music at the time was tantamount to exploitation.
With this in mind I stick to my Ramones’ story. Nobody owned or exploited the Ramones like the Ramones. Even when they wanted you to use and abuse them, they stood fast and demanded the rights they so deserved. Punk became, at that time more of a valid movement for me and many people. It became a movement of expression as accessible as Rap, but as valid as Punk. It was a demand for our rights as well as our freedom. Freedom from oppression, the absence of normalcy. Freedom from the average. Years later I would realize that I was “average” that we all are average.
Punk put itself in our faces, much like a problem, or an equation. It presented itself as a solution. Many of our generation joined this equation. Few became an integral part of the solution. It remains an unsolved equation, but a medium has been struck. Artistic validity has precedence over every movement – or force – or ideal.
It is to this realization (too late to change, or justify) that I am currently bound. Jean would have told you what a joke, or a pleasure I was – am. My art (and I hesitate to capitalize on yet another aspect of my past.) was a “force” of sorts. I certainly challenged the viewer. But, did I engage them? Jean raised many issues with each piece, but each issue was something he was prepared to deal with. Equipped to deal with, would be a better sense.
He (Jean) was questioned about the “street art” he had done and whether he was questioning authority or the validity of the urban artist. He only answered this question to me later, after a little too much Gin on my part and a touch of heroine on his part, that – he feel’s inept in describing his intentions as artistic when ultimately they are so natural.
I believe to this grief stricken day that he knew he would check out early and that he would ultimately leave a question behind him, which must be answered. Andy struggled with it for a while, but I feel like I have answered it.

WOW . . . . . . Chapter 3

It wasn’t like it was a deliberate act to sell myself out. It happened over time, much like I imagine insanity would. Your reality slips away from you. You distance yourself from friends and then the next thing you know everyone agrees you’re crazy.
My artistic outlet, dare I say “method” has always been that I enjoy the process of creating or conceiving the piece. The procedure of painting or sculpting or designing has always been a pleasure to me. In as far as you know, gratification is a major (if not principal) reason behind what “I do.” Sculpting has always been a communal process to me. Where as painting has been a more solitary endeavor, scarred with moments of rage and joy. A painting can be as simple as a moment, or as complex as a breakup. Sculpting a moment is nonsensical, a sculpture to me – is an amalgamation of an era. A painting can happen in a breath. Rhonda always said …“that if she could switch an eye for a camera” she would. To capture motion or an instant is unfeasible. Oil is a difficult medium, but Acrylic allows for gesture. Acrylic lends itself to a moment. Painting can be a “moment” it can be a vexing and articulating passage for the artist. I once painted a mural in champagne and blood. I had experienced a particularly bad moment with someone and shared it with an eleven foot canvas and four bottles of white star before cutting myself on the pieces of glass and truly setting myself free.
I sold that piece last year and at that moment I realized I had sold a piece of myself. That was a tragic moment, one in many. But, generally you keep them to yourself. I chose to sell my moment, be rid of it. Paintings can be vexing, they can both materialize and vanquish demons – but they cannot dispel your history. That night I will never be able to explain nor strive to express. For me it was the bottom of the pool.
Julian would joke that I had found the “bottom of the slide.” [Fuck you Julian,] you never even climbed the ladder. Julian is the sort of asshole-know-it-all that dares you to succeed. He is a success from birth. The equation works for him. Andy had a joke with us that Julian couldn’t stand a moment alone. He would suffer from solitude.
-In all honesty – both Jean and Andy left me alone with Julian. I was his least favorite. He viewed me as I viewed myself. A farce and a running joke. I thought if I admitted this it would make it easier for Julian and me. It only made it worse, years later when I most didn’t want his approval – he gave it to me. That asshole is like a DAD. You always want him to approve or accept, and when he does you have just learned to say “Fuck you!”
Julian once drew me a picture of child holding a basket full of railroad ties and spikes. He knew I was from North Carolina and how much I tried to distance myself from that time. Julian had a way to provoke you and “cut you to the quick” as Andy (Beatty) would say. Julian wouldn’t let you forgive your past. He always wanted you to make it part of yourself. I scarcely remember my life before I was seven – let alone recall enough to confront. As far as I knew, I had a happy childhood. Julian felt otherwise and pushed me to express the earliest memories. I sculpted him a tragic garden gnome from the finest Argentinean marble. I had thought myself a great artist at the time and capable of any medium. Marble is a puzzle you do not want to try and solve. The piece as I gave up on it resembled a hat on pile of stool. Julian was gracious in his judgment; referring to it simply as “comendable”.
My childhood was wonderful. I had three older siblings as imaginative and creative as I was. Karol – the oldest was a born writer. She had her own family at 15 and left my life too quickly. James was the second in command and without a doubt the most brilliant of us all. My father would give him reading assignments and James could recite the job word for word. Karan was Daddy’s little girl and a brilliant writer and thinker on her own. Whenever Julian had challenged me on my childhood as an inspiration – I told him these aforementioned things. Artists are not drawn to be artist as a cause, they just feel the need to express themselves in different ways other than:

Lawyers
Mediators
Senators
Teachers
Spiritual Guides
Ophthalmologists
Preachers
Cannibals
Librarians
Poets
Doctors
Chemists
Thespians
Salesmen
Developers
Victims
Heroes
Participants
World Renowned
Patent Holders
Creators
Original screenplay by:
As seen on TV
Complicators
Meddlers
Jerks
Seducers
Liars

An artist feels some internal need to interpret reality for the afore-mentioned. Real life is a son-of-a-bitch. Without artists to add style to it, quickly life becomes mundane and redundant. It is possible in the average business or disimpassioned life to forgo all the perks of participating in your journey and just exist. It is with great belief in mankind that I assert that “…we do not simply exist”. Admitting it is possible is as difficult as admitting that there are people that just maintain a standard lifestyle and never dare to challenge themselves.
It is here that art becomes necessary. To create something that will light the fires under the asses of “middle America” is tantamount to calling for a revolution. Not to say that what gets the average American upset is art.
“What truly challenges your enemy is the knowledge and understanding of your enemy”
Sun Tzu wrote that in 500 BC, and “…we have learned little about our enemies, as they are hidden in our minds, our fears.”

...sorry

2008-07-31T22:34:00.000-04:00

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "200 DOLLARS? YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!"

This is the funniest thing to happen to me today

2008-04-09T19:29:00.000-04:00

Facts About Poop

2008-04-08T13:54:00.002-04:00

What is poop made of?
About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Of course, this value is highly variable - the water content of diarrhea is much higher, and the amount of water in poop that has been retained (voluntarily or otherwise) is lower. Water is absorbed out of fecal material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer a turd resides inside before emerging, the drier it will be.
Of the remaining portion of the turd, about 1/3 is composed of dead bacteria. These microcorpses come from the intestinal garden of microorganisms that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another 1/3 of the turd mass is made of stuff that we find indigestible, like cellulose, for instance. This indigestible material is called "fiber," and is useful in getting the turd to move along through the intestine, perhaps because it provides traction. The remaining portion of the turd is a mixture of fats such as cholesterol, inorganic salts like phosphates, live bacteria, dead cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine, and protein.
Buy some Crap
Why does poop stink?
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.

Why is poop brown?
The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. The actual metabolic pathway of bilirubin and its byproducts in the body is very complicated, so we will simply say that a lot of it ends up in the intestine, where it is further modified by bacterial action. But the color itself comes from iron. Iron in hemoglobin in red blood cells gives blood its red color, and iron in the waste product bilirubin gives rise to its brown color.

What other colors of poop are possible?
Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

Other Colors of Poop

What is the cause of yellow poop?
According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert's Syndrome. "I have a benign condition known as Gilbert's Syndrome. It affects quite a few people, males mostly, in their teens+. It is a deficiency in the liver where red blood cells are broken down. I was informed when this was diagnosed that the broken down blood cells is what gives poop a lot of its color. People with Gilbert's Syndrome don't process as many blood cells - or not as fast - and their poop tends to be pale brown or yellow from the lower quantity of discarded red blood cell matter. This is especially true if there is less matter in your intestines (i.e., on a diet - as I have noticed) to remove the excess blood cells. Very frightening until you determine what is causing it. Gilbert's is a totally benign thing that doesn't harm anyone, although when a person is sick they can turn yellowish as if jaundiced, but it is not jaundice."
Another cause of yellow poop is a giardia infection. Giardia are tiny Protozoan parasites that can invade the intestines and result in severe yellow diarrhea. It is a dangerous and contagious affliction that doctors are obligated to report to the Center for Disease Control.

What is the cause of green poop?
I have consulted with a doctor, a physiologist and a microbiologist on this question, and the following summarizes their answers:
Healthy people can have green poop if they eat a diet rich in leafy green vegetables, or if they consume large quantities of food coloring (in ice cream, cake frosting etc.).
Green poop can also be caused by excess iron in the diet, from dietary supplements, for example. If the body does not absorb all the iron consumed, the iron may stain the poop green, the color of iron (II) salts. Ordinarily, the green color may be masked by the normal brown poop color, but if digestion is thrown off by illness so that bilirubin is less concentrated in the intestine, the green color may become apparent. This can happen when a person is afflicted with diarrhea.
Green poop in sick babies may come from iron in baby formula not being properly absorbed, or by green pigments in bile salts (again, green from iron).

Why is bird poop white?
Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.
Why do dogs (and other animals) eat poop?
Many animals eat poop on a regular basis. These include rabbits, rodents, gorillas, many insects such as dung beetles and flies, and yes, dogs. (Keep that in mind the next time a dog wants to lick you!) Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents eat their own poop because their diet of plants is hard to digest efficiently, and they have to make two passes at it to get everything out of the meal. This is equivalent to a cow chewing its cud, only cows are able to re-eat their food without having to poop it out first. Another reason why animals eat poop is that poop contains vitamins produced by their intestinal bacteria. The animal is unable to absorb the vitamins through the intestinal wall, but can get at them by eating the poop. Another reason that animals such as dogs and flies eat poop is that poop contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because cat poop is high in protein. I had a friend with a dog and a cat, and he never had to clean the kitty litter. The dog took care of it.

Are there people who eat poop?
People who eat poop Yes, we all have, at one point or another. One of the main ways that diseases and parasites spread is through the consumption of food and water contaminated with feces. This happens because people don't wash their hands carefully after pooping or changing a diaper or scratching their butt. It can also happen through careless disposal of diapers. Our microbiologist here on Guam says that one dirty diaper in Tumon Bay can send the bacteria count through the ceiling.
But of course, what you want to know is, are there people who eat poop on purpose? Again, the answer is yes. Some autistic children practice coprophagy, the ingestion of feces. Coprophagy is also listed as an unusual sexual practice in the encyclopedia of that name.
I have known only one person who ate poop on purpose, and she only did it once, when she was about four years old. She says she was curious about what it tasted like. When asked what poop does taste like, she replies, "About like you'd expect."
By the way, for all of you who are wondering, the author of this page does NOT eat poop.

Can you get sick from eating poop?
Yes, you can definitely get sick from eating poop, even in minute quantities! Although urine emerges sterile from the body (unless the person has an infection), poop emerges loaded with bacteria and sometimes other life forms. Many diseases, including food poisoning, cholera and typhus, are spread by fecal contamination. Many parasites, such as the notorious tapeworm, can be spread through deliberate or accidental ingestion of poop.
There are some parasites, such as pinworms, who depend on people eating their own poop to keep the population up. Pinworms are small nematodes that live in the colon. The females emerge from the anus at night to lay their eggs. Their activity makes the anal area itch. The person scratches the itch (often doing so in his sleep), procuring a small amount of fecal matter and eggs under his fingernails, and then puts his fingers in his mouth. Once the eggs are consumed, the person is infected with a new generation of pinworms.
I have read that almost everyone has pinworms. Luckily, pinworms don't do much harm. You only notice them if you have a lot of pinworms! If you want to find out if you do indeed have them, get someone to gently touch around your anal area with Scotch tape while you are sleeping. The worms will stick to the tape and you'll be able to see them.

Do most people wipe their left-over poop standing up or while sitting on the pot, and are there gender differences?
This isn't really scientific, but I did a quick survey, and everyone asked (including both males and females) said that they wipe sitting down. There was even a reason provided: that sitting down spreads the cheeks apart and makes access easier. This survey was done on Guam, and Guam is technically part of the United States, and most people here probably use American toilet habits. However, if you travel a bit, you will discover that people deal with left-over poop in different ways in other parts of the world.
In Europe, for example, that water fountain in the bathroom isn't for drinking. It's a bidet for hosing off after using the toilet.
In Southeast Asia, you don't sit on the toilet at all. The toilet is a low, porcelain-lined trench, and the user squats over it. Next to the toilet is a bin of water. You scoop water out of the bin with your left hand and use that to cleanse yourself. You aren't supposed to use your left hand for any other purpose.

How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop it out in whole kernals?
Corn poop is one of the greatest mysteries in life. I grew up pondering the same question. This is what I think is happening:
When we chew corn, the outer coating slips off the inner kernal. This outer yellow coating is almost entirely cellulose, and is indigestible. It passes through the gut untouched, and emerges looking like a whole kernal, although it is mostly just the outer skin. The inside of the kernal is starchy and digestible, and that is the part that we succeed in chewing up.
Is there any way to prevent corn from getting in your poop?

MORE (if you haven't had enough!)

The Pitchfork Guide to Upcoming Releases: Spring 2008

2008-04-02T08:42:00.001-04:00

Let's welcome the brand new addition to the Pitchfork News Department! It's their seasonal guide to upcoming releases, in which they list notable albums, EPs, singles, DVDs, and other musical goodies due in shops (both brick-and-mortar and otherwise) in the weeks and months ahead.

Expect to see one of these every three months.

Keep in mind that release dates are as shifty as Chicago weather, and any one of these is subject to change at any moment.

04-01:

Altered Images: I Could Be Happy: The Best of Altered Images [Sony]
Annuals: Wet Zoo EP [Canvasback/Ace Fu]
The Apples in Stereo: Electronic Projects for Musicians [Yep Roc]
The Black Keys: Attack & Release [Nonesuch]
Camphor: Drawn to Dust [Friendly Fire]
Colour Revolt: Plunder, Beg, and Curse [Fat Possum]
Experimental Dental School: Jane Doe Loves Me [Cochon]
Los Campesinos!: Hold On Now, Youngster... [Arts & Crafts] [North American release]
Mochipet: Microphonepet [Daly City]
Nadja: Skin Turns to Glass [The End]
Pas Chic Chic: Au Contraire [Semprini]
R.E.M.: Accelerate [Warner Bros.]
Sandrine: Dark Fades Into the Light [Nettwerk]
Sun Kil Moon: April [Caldo Verde]
The Sword: Gods of the Earth [Kemado]
Unwed Sailor: Little Wars [Burnt Toast Vinyl]
Willie Nelson: One Hell of a Ride [Legacy]
Yelle: POP-UP [Caroline]
Various Artists: In the Name of Love: Africa Celebrates U2 [Shout! Factory]

04-07:

Future of the Left: "Manchasm" single [Too Pure] [UK release]
M83/Maps split single [Sonic Cathedral] [UK release]
The Triffids: Various reissues [Domino] [UK release]
Various Artists: Moshi Moshi Singles Club [Moshi Moshi] [UK release]

04-08:

Acid Mothers Temple and the Melting Paraiso U.F.O.: Recurring Dream and Apocalypse of Darkness [Important]
Auburn Lull: Begin Civil Twilight [Darla]
Boredoms: Super Roots 9 [Thrill Jockey]
The Botticellis: Old Home Movies [Antenna Farm]
The Breeders: Mountain Battles [4AD]
Cavity: Laid Insignificant [Hydra Head]
Client: Untitled Remix [Metropolis]
Clinic: Do It [Domino]
Cloud Cult: Feel Good Ghosts (Tea-Partying Through Tornadoes) [Rebel Group]
Colin Meloy: Colin Meloy Sings Live [Kill Rock Stars]
Cut Copy: In Ghost Colours [Modular]
Dark Meat: Universal Indians (Expanded Edition) [Vice]
Dead Child: Attack [Quarterstick]
The Drift: Memory Drawings [Temporary Residence Ltd.]
The Duke Spirit: Neptune [Artist First]
Ecstatic Sunshine: Way [Cardboard]
Eliot Lipp: The Outside [Mush]
Envy: Transfovista DVD [Temporary Residence Ltd.]
Eric Avery: Help Wanted [Dangerbird]
The Explorers Club: "Do You Love Me" b/w "Carry Me" 7" [Dead Oceans]
Fleet Foxes: Sun Giant EP [Sub Pop]
Foals: Antidotes [Sub Pop] [North American release]
Glorytellers: Glorytellers [Southern]
Hallelujah the Hills: Contraband Light Sources EP [Misra]
Hornet Leg: "Blood Trilogy" 7" [K]
Jay Reatard: "See/Saw" 7" [Matador]
Jim Noir: Jim Noir [Barsuk]
Jonathan Richman: Because Her Beauty Is Raw and Wild [Vapor]
The Long Blondes: Couples [Rough Trade] [North American release]
Man Man: Rabbit Habits [Anti-]
Meat Beat Manifesto: Autoimmune [Metropolis]
Microphones: The Glow Pt. 2 (Reissue) [K]
MSTRKRFT: Remixes Vol. 1 [Last Gang]
Nadja: Desire in Uneasiness [Crucial Blast]
Neva Dinova: You May Already Be Dreaming [Saddle Creek]
New Bloods: The Secret Life [Kill Rock Stars]
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! [Anti-]
Nina Simone: Protest Anthology [The Orchard]
No Age: "Eraser" 7" [Sub Pop]
No Kids: Come Into My House [Tomlab]
The Old Haunts: Poisonous Times [Kill Rock Stars]
The Pagans: The Blue Album [Smog Veil]
Peter Moren: The Last Tycoon [Quarterstick]
Richard Swift: Richard Swift As Onasis [Secretly Canadian]
Robert A.A. Low and Rose Lazar: Gyromancy [Thrill Jockey]
Rollins Band: Life Time [2.13.61]
School of Seven Bells: "Silent Grips" 7" [Suicide Squeeze]
Shout Out Louds: Impossible EP [Merge]
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin: Pershing [Polyvinyl]
Spoon: Don't You Evah (single) [Merge]
Tapes 'n Tapes: Walk It Off [XL]
Thee Oh Sees: The Master's Bedroom Is Worth Spending a Night In [Tomlab]
Torche: Meanderthal [Hydra Head]
Various Artists: The Green Owl Comp: A Benefit for the Energy Action Coalition [Green Owl]
Various Artists: Imaginational Anthem Volume 3 [Tompkins Square]
Wye Oak: If Children [Merge]

04-15:

A.A. Bondy: American Hearts reissue [Fat Possum]
Air: Moon Safari: 10th Anniversary Edition [Astralwerks]
Christopher Bissonnette: In Between Words [Kranky]
Black Francis (Frank Black): Sv N F Ng Rs [Cooking Vinyl]
The Brian Jonestown Massacre: My Bloody Underground [A]
Buckshot & 9th Wonder: The Formula [Duck Down]
Dennis Wilson: Pacific Ocean Blue: Legacy Edition [Legacy]
Frightened Rabbit: The Midnight Organ Fight [FatCat]
The Gossip: Live in Liverpool [Columbia/Music With a Twist]
Heartsrevolution: "C.Y.O.A." single [IHEARTCOMIX]
The Jealous Girlfriends: The Jealous Girlfriends [Last Gang]
The Kooks: Konk [Astralwerks] [North American release]
The Little Ones: Morning Tide [Astralwerks]
M83: Saturdays = Youth [Mute]
O'luge: Movements [Last Gang]
The Plastic Constellations: We Appreciate You [Frenchkiss]
Portishead: Third [Island]
Robert Hood: Fabric 39 [Fabric]
Roommate: We Were Enchanted [Plug Research/Shrug]
Sally Shapiro: Remix Romance Vol. 1 [Paper Bag]

04-19 (Record Store Day):

Magnetic Morning: Magnetic Morning EP [DH]
Stephen Malkmus: "Cold Son" 10" [Matador]
Vampire Weekend: "A-Punk" / "Oxford Comma" (rehearsal version) 7" (XL)

04-22:

Anna Ternheim: Halfway to Fivepoints [Decca]
Atmosphere: When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold [Rhymesayers Entertainment]
The Autumns: Fake Noise From a Box of Toys [Bella Union]
Barry Adamson: Back to the Cat [Central Control]
Billy Bragg: Mr. Love & Justice [Anti-]
The Child Readers: Music Heard Far Off [Soft Abuse]
The Cinematic Orchestra: Live at the Royal Albert Hall [Domino]
TheDeathSet: Worldwide [Counter Records]
The Doors: The Doors Vinyl Box (7xLP) [Rhino]
Earles & Jensen: Just Farr a Laugh [Matador]
El Perro Del Mar: From the Valley to the Stars [The Control Group] [North American release]
Elbow: The Seldom Seen Kid [Fiction/Geffen] [North American release]
Elvis Costello: Momofuku [Lost Highway]
Etran Finatawa: Desert Crossroads [Riverboat]
Flight of the Conchords: Flight of the Conchords [Sub Pop]
J. Spaceman/Sun City Girls: Mister Lonely: Music From a Film by Harmony Korine
Love: Forever Changes: Collectors Edition [Rhino]
Manu Chao: Politik Kills EP [Nacional] [digital release; physical release June 3]
Monotonix: Body Language [Drag City]
The Night Marchers: See You in Magic [Swami/Vagrant]
Otis Redding: Otis Blue reissue [Rhino]
Pepi Ginsberg: Red [Park The Van]
Pyramids: Pyramids [Hydra Head]
The Replacements: Various reissues [Rhino]
Sonic Youth: SYR7 [SYR]
Thalia Zedek Band: Liars and Prayers [Thrill Jockey]
Thank You: Terrible Two [Thrill Jockey]
Tokyo Police Club: Elephant Shell [Saddle Creek] [physical release]

04-28:

Cajun Dance Party: The Colourful Life [XL] [UK release]
Tindersticks: The Hungry Saw [Beggar's Banquet] [UK release]

04-29:

Awesome Color: Electric Aborigines [Ecstatic Peace]
Boris: Smile [Southern Lord] [North American release]
Bun B: II Trill [Asylum]
Cloudland Canyon: Lie In Light [Kranky]
Constantines: Kensington Heights [Arts & Crafts]
David Karsten Daniels: Fear of Flying [FatCat]
Dimitri From Paris: Return to the Playboy Mansion [Playboy]
Dizzee Rascal: Maths+English [Def Jux] [North American release]
Jamie Lidell: Jim [Warp]
Joy Division: Best Of [Rhino] [North American release]
Langhorne Slim: Langhorne Slim [Kemado]
Les Savy Fav: After the Balls Drop (live album) [French Kiss]
Make Believe: Going to the Bone Church [Flameshovel]
New York Dolls: Live at the Fillmore East [Sony BMG]
Robert Forster: The Evangelist [Yep Roc]
Robyn: Robyn [Konichiwa/Cherrytree/Interscope] [North American release]
The Roots: Rising Down [Def Jam]
Santogold: Santogold [Downtown/Atlantic]
South: You Are Here [Bluhammock]
Strategy: Music for Lamping [Audio Dregs]
Tickley Feather: Tickley Feather [Paw Tracks]

05-05:

Fern Knight: Fern Knight [VHF] [UK release]
Sebadoh: Bubble and Scrape reissue [Domino] [UK release]
These New Puritans: "Swords of Truth" single [Angular] [UK release]
Yaz: In Your Room [Mute] [UK release]

05-06:

Animal Collective: Water Curses EP [Domino]
Bellafea: Cavalcade [Southern]
Black Moth Super Rainbow: "Zodiac Girl" 7" [Suicide Squeeze]
Curumin: JapanPopShow [Quannum]
Ersi Arvizu: Friend for Life [Anti-]
Firewater: The Golden Hour [Bloodshot]
Four Tet: Ringer [Domino]
The Last Shadow Puppets: The Age of the Understatement [Domino]
Lykke Li - Little Bit EP [LL Recordings]
Matmos: Supreme Balloon [Matador]
Nik Freitas: Sun Down [Team Love]
No Age: Nouns [Sub Pop]
Pattern Is Movement: All Together [Hometapes]
Peter Walker: Echo of My Soul [Tompkins Square]
Russian Circles: Station [Suicide Squeeze]
Serena-Maneesh: SM Backwards [Smalltown Supersound]
Shy Child: Noise Won't Stop [Kill Rock Stars] [North American release]
Simon Joyner: The Cowardly Traveller Pays His Toll reissue [Team Love]
Vetiver: Thing of the Past [Gnomonsong]

05-13:

The Bellrays: Hard, Sweet, and Sticky [Anodyne]
The Black Angels: Directions to See a Ghost [Light in the Attic]
Death Cab for Cutie: Narrow Stairs [Atlantic]
Dosh: Wolves and Wishes [Anticon]
Experimental Dental School: Jane Doe Loves Me [Cochon]
Flying Lotus: Los Angeles [Warp]
Gregor Samsa: Rest [The Kora]
Julie Ocean: Long Gone and Nearly There [Transit of Venus]
Lil Wayne: Tha Carter III [Young Money/Cash Money/Universal/Motown]
Kassin + 2: Futurismo [Luaka Bop]
The Old 97's: Blame It on Gravity [New West]
Oxford Collapse: "Bloopers" b/w "Spike of Bensonhurst" 7" [Flameshovel]
Port O'Brien: All We Could Do Was Sing [Dew Process]
The Presets: Apocalypto [Modular]
Quiet Village: Silent Movie [!K7]
The Submarines: Honeysuckle Weeks [Nettwerk]
Subtle: ExitingARM [Lex]
Vladislav Delay: Anima reissue [Huume]
We Are Scientists: Brain Thrust Mastery [Astralwerks] [North American release]

05-20:

Castanets: Tendrils DVD [Asthmatic Kitty]
Collections of Colonies of Bees: Six Guitars [Table of the Elements]
Desolation Wilderness: "Until Forever" 7" [K]
Dominique Leone: Dominique Leone [Strømland]
Dresden Dolls: No, Virginia [Roadrunner]
The Explorers Club: Freedom Wind [Dead Oceans]
Free Kitten: Inherit [Ecstatic Peace]
French Kicks: Swimming [Vagrant]
Head Like a Kite: There Is Loud Laughter Everywhere [Mush]
Indian Jewelry: Free Gold! [We Are Free]
Islands: Arm's Way [Anti-]
Jeremy Jay: A Place Where We Could Go [K]
Joan of Arc: Boo Human [Polyvinyl]
Scarlett Johansson: Anywhere I Lay My Head [Atco]
Mates of State: Re-Arrange Us [Barsuk]
The VSS: Nervous Circuits reissue [Hydra Head]
The Wedding Present: El Rey [Manifesto]
Windsor for the Derby: How We Lost [Secretly Canadian]

05-27:

Al Green: Lay It Down [Blue Note]
Booka Shade: The Sun & The Neon Light [Get Physical]
Ellen Allien: Sool [BPitch Control]
James Pants: Welcome [Stones Throw]
The Lines: Memory Span [Acute]
Midnight Juggernauts: Dystopia [Astralwerks] [North American release]
Mt. Eerie: Black Wooden Ceiling Opening EP [P.W. Elverum & Sun]
Odd Nosdam: Pretty Swell Explode [Anticon]
Steinski: What Does It All Mean?: 1983-2006 [Illegal Art]
Walter Meego: Voyager [Almost Gold]

06-02:

Lindstrøm: Wherever You Go I Go To [Feedelity/Smalltown Supersound] [European release]

06-03:

The Accidental: There Were Wolves [Thrill Jockey] [North American release]
Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes [Sub Pop]
David Banner: The Greatest Story Ever Told [SRC]
Ladytron: Velocifero [Nettwerk]
Minus the Bear: They Make Beer Commercials Like This reissue [Suicide Squeeze]
Robert Pollard: Robert Pollard Is Off to Business [Guided by Voices, Inc.]
Shearwater: Rook [Matador]
Spiritualized: Songs in A&E [Fontana/Spaceman Records]
Stars Like Fleas: The Ken Burns Effect [Hometapes]
Sybris: Into the Trees [Absolutely Kosher]

6-10:

Allá: Es Tiempo [Crammed Discs]
Joan as Policewoman: To Survive [Reveal/Cheap Lullaby]
Karen Dalton: Green Rocky Road [Megaphone]
Dianogah: qhnnnl [Southern]
My Morning Jacket: Evil Urges [ATO]
The Orb: The Dream [Six Degrees] [North American release]
Supergrass: Diamond Hoo Ha [Astralwerks]

06-17:

The Interiors: The Interiors [54-40 or Fight!]
The M's: Real Close Ones [Polyvinyl]
My Brightest Diamond: A Thousand Shark's Teeth [Asthmatic Kitty]
Nomo: Ghost Rock [Ubiquity]
Sally Shapiro: Remix Romance Vol. 2 [Paper Bag]
Silver Jews: Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea [Drag City]
Tilly and the Wall: 0 [Team Love]
Weezer: TBA [Geffen]
Wolf Parade: Kissing the Beehive [Sub Pop]

06-24:

The Game: Los Angeles Times [Geffen]
Heartsrevolution: Switchblade EP [IHEARTCOMIX]
Liz Phair: Exile in Guyville reissue [ATO]
The Watson Twins: Fire Songs [Vanguard]

June:

Love as Laughter: Holy [Glacial Pace]

May (EU) and June (U.S.):

The Notwist: The Devil, You + Me [Domino]

07-01:

Earlimart: Hymn and Her [Majordomo]
Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson: Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson [Say Hey]
RZA as Bobby Digital: Digi Snax [Koch]

07-22

Daft Punk: Electroma DVD [Vice]

Can I get a napkin, please?

2008-03-30T08:31:00.002-04:00

For their latest mission: Improv Everywhere, 16 agents staged a spontaneous musical in the food court of a Los Angeles shopping mall. They used wireless microphones to amplify the vocal performances and mix them together with the music through the mall’s PA system. Filming the mission with hidden cameras, mostly behind two-way mirrors. Apart from the performers, no one in the food court was aware of what was happening. Enjoy!

Featuring: Agents Campbell, Cowan, Brister, Caldwell, Sutton, Ahn, Park, Nwaeze, Jervier, Thorn, Fair, Costelo, Grimm, Perube, LaBarr, Appel, Todd
Digital Video: Agent Carbone
Choreography: Agent Tallaksen

FROM THE IMPROV EVERYWHERE WESBITE: We’ve had tons of ideas emailed to us over the years. Out of all of them, one stands out as the absolute most suggested: “You know how it’s weird in musicals that people just break out into song for no reason? You guys should stage a musical like that in a public place.” We’ve probably gotten over 100 emails just like that. Well, we finally decided it was time to make it happen.

The 100 Most Influential Books Ever Written

2008-03-26T22:16:00.001-04:00

The 100 Most Influential Books Ever Written: The History of Thought from Ancient Times to Today (Citadel Press, Secaucus, NJ, 1998, ISBN 0806520000) is a book of intellectual history written by Martin Seymour-Smith (1928 - 1998), a British poet, critic and biographer.

Chronological list:

Jewish scripture Torah 13th-4th century BCE
Chinese classic text I Ching late 9th century BCE
Homer Iliad and Odyssey 8th-early 7th century BCE
Hindu scripture Upanishads 7th-5th century BCE
Taoist scripture Tao Te Ching 3rd century BCE
Zoroastrian scripture Avesta 3rd century BCE
Confucius Analects 5th-4th century BCE
Thucydides History of the Peloponnesian War 5th century BCE
Hippocrates Works 400 BCE
Aristotle Works 4th century
Herodotus Histories 4th century BCE
Plato The Republic 380 BCE
Euclid Elements 280 BCE
Theravada Buddhist scripture Dhammapada (Path of the Dharma) 252 BCE
Virgil Aeneid 19 BCE
Lucretius On the Nature of Reality 55 BCE
Philo of Alexandria Allegorical Expositions of the Holy Law 1st century AD
Christian scripture New Testament ca. 50-100 AD
Plutarch Parallel Lives 120 AD
Cornelius Tacitus Annals, From the Death of the Divine Augustus 120 AD
Valentinus Gospel of Truth (Gnostic text) 2nd century AD
Marcus Aurelius Meditations 167 AD
Sextus Empiricus Outlines of Pyrrhonism 150-210 AD
Plotinus Enneads 3rd century AD
Augustine of Hippo Confessions 400 AD
Muslim scripture Quran 7th century AD
Moses Maimonides Guide for the Perplexed 1190
Text of Judaic mysticism Kabbalah 12th century
Thomas Aquinas Summa Theologiae 1266-1273
Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy 1321
Desiderius Erasmus In Praise of Folly 1509
Niccolo Machiavelli The Prince 1532
Martin Luther On the Babylonian Captivity of the Church 1520
Francois Rabelais Gargantua and Pantagruel 1534 & 1532
John Calvin Institutes of the Christian Religion 1536
Nicolaus Copernicus On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres 1543
Michael Eyquem de Montaigne Essays 1580
Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote 1605 & 1615
Johannes Kepler Harmony of the Worlds 1619
Francis Bacon Novum Organum 1620
William Shakespeare First Folio 1623
Galileo Galilei Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems 1632
Rene Descartes Discourse on Method 1637
Thomas Hobbes Leviathan 1651
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz Works 1663-1716
Blaise Pascal Pensées 1670
Baruch de Spinoza Ethics 1677
John Bunyan Pilgrim's Progress 1678-1684
Isaac Newton Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy 1687
John Locke Essay Concerning Human Understanding 1689
George Berkeley Treatise Concerning the Principles of Human Knowledge 1710, revised 1734
Giambattista Vico The New Science 1725, revised 1744
David Hume A Treatise of Human Nature 1739-1740
Denis Diderot (ed.) Encyclopédie 1751-1772
Samuel Johnson A Dictionary of the English Language 1755
Francois-Marie de Voltaire Candide 1759
Thomas Paine Common Sense 1776
Adam Smith The Wealth of Nations 1776
Edward Gibbon The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire 1776-1787
Immanuel Kant Critique of Pure Reason 1781, revised 1787
Jean-Jacques Rousseau Confessions 1781
Edmund Burke Reflections on the Revolution in France 1790
Mary Wollstonecraft Vindication of the Rights of Woman 1792
William Godwin An Enquiry Concerning Political Justice 1793
Thomas Robert Malthus An Essay on the Principle of Population 1798, revised 1803
George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel Phenomenology of Spirit 1807
Arthur Schopenhauer The World as Will and Idea 1819
Auguste Comte Course in the Positivist Philosophy 1830-1842
Carl Marie von Clausewitz On War 1832
Soren Kierkegaard Either/Or 1843
Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels Communist Manifesto 1848
Henry David Thoreau Civil Disobedience 1849
Charles Darwin The Origin of Species 1859
John Stuart Mill On Liberty 1859
Herbert Spencer First Principles 1862
Gregor Mendel Experiments on Plant Hybridization 1866
Leo Tolstoy War and Peace 1868-1869
James Clerk Maxwell Treatise on Electricity and Magnetism 1873
Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spake Zarathustra 1883-1885
Sigmund Freud The Interpretation of Dreams 1900
William James Pragmatism 1908
Albert Einstein Relativity 1916
Vilfredo Pareto The Mind and Society 1916
Carl Gustav Jung Psychological Types 1921
Martin Buber I and Thou 1923
Franz Kafka The Trial 1925
Karl Popper The Logic of Scientific Discovery 1934
John Maynard Keynes General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money 1936
Jean-Paul Sartre Being and Nothingness 1943
Friedrich von Hayek The Road to Serfdom 1944
Simone de Beauvoir The Second Sex 1948
Norbert Wiener Cybernetics 1948, revised 1961
George Orwell Nineteen Eighty-Four 1949
George Ivanovitch Gurdjieff Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson 1950
Ludwig Wittgenstein Philosophical Investigations 1953
Noam Chomsky Syntactic Structures 1957
Thomas Kuhn The Structure of Scientific Revolutions 1962, revised 1970
Betty Friedan The Feminine Mystique 1963
Mao Zedong Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung (Little Red Book) 1966
B. F. Skinner Beyond Freedom and Dignity 1971

Okay?!? Nana?!? Okay?!?!

2008-03-26T15:24:00.000-04:00

A Simple Apology

2008-03-23T18:59:00.005-04:00

I stumbled across the awesome Mark Gleim some time back and think about writing him in often, so this is the first of probably many:

I wish I still had this imagination!

2008-03-18T15:13:00.002-04:00

Somewhere along the path of my life I guess I stopped imagining things to be something else and just started making them something else. Here's a brilliant LEGO ad campaign from 2007:

Lego in the mind of a child can be ANYTHING!

The saddest pug in the world

2008-03-12T12:33:00.003-04:00

You ever have one of those days, you put on your favorite sweater, go to your favorite coffee place to get your favorite coffee beverage, but nothing seems to cheer you up (yeah, well it looks like this pug does too).

It's the little things

2008-03-11T23:03:00.003-04:00

This is just a good, clean, well designed idea.

a thousand words

2008-03-11T22:35:00.001-04:00

Chuck Norris Illustrated History

2008-03-09T10:42:00.003-04:00

NEW YORK -- Tough guy actor and martial arts expert Chuck Norris sued publisher Penguin over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him.

Penguin published "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World's Greatest Human" in November. Author Ian Spector and two Web sites he runs to promote the book, including www.truthaboutchuck.com, are also named in the suit.

The book capitalizes on "mythical facts" that have been circulating on the Internet since 2005 that poke fun at Norris' tough guy image and super-human abilities, the suit said.

It includes such humorous "facts" as "Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried" and "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits," the suit said, as well as "Chuck Norris can charge a cellphone by rubbing it against his beard."

"Some of the 'facts' in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr. Norris as engaged in illegal activities," the lawsuit alleges.

Norris, who rose to fame in the 1970s and 1980s as the star of such films as "The Delta Force" and "Missing in Action," says the book's title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true.

"Defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr. Norris's name and likeness without authorization for their own commercial profit," said the lawsuit.

The suit, filed in Manhattan federal court, seeks unspecified monetary damages for trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and privacy rights.

Norris, whose real name is Carlos Ray Norris, claims in the suit he is protective of what his name is associated with. He has recently made U.S. headlines for backing former Republican presidential candidate former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee.

Reuters © 2007

1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die

2008-03-06T15:40:00.000-05:00

Published in 2005 by Cassell Illustrated. Selected & written by 90 leading international critics, general editor Robert Dimery. In chronological order 1955-2005. Year of release only given here, when considered absolutely necessary. Where there were differences in UK & US (or other) releases for artists, such as the Beatles & the Rolling Stones, the original country of release edition can be taken to be the one listed, unless indicated otherwise. (ie: for the Rolling Stones’ Aftermath & The Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night, the UK editions are the ones listed). No compilations were allowed, though, the odd one (The Hives’ Your New Favourite Band, for example) did creep in!

1950s

o Sinatra, Frank – In the Wee Small Hours
o Presley, Elvis – Elvis Presley (1956)
o Louvin Brothers – Tragic Songs of Life
o Prima, Louis – Wildest
o Domino, Fats – This is Fats
o Ellington, Duke – At Newport (1956)
o Sinatra, Frank – Songs for Swingin’ Lovers!
o Crickets – Chirping…
o Basie, Count – Atomic Mr Basie
o Monk, Thelonious – Brilliant Corners
o Sabú [Martínez] – Palo Congo
o Davis, Miles – Birth of the Cool
o Machito – Kenya
o Little Richard – Here’s…
o Puente, Tito & His Orchestra – Dance Mania (1958)
o Holiday, Billie – Lady in Satin
o Elliott, Jack – Jack Takes the Floor
o Vaughan, Sarah – At Mister Kelly’s
o Fitzgerald, Ella – Sings the Gershwin Song Book
o Charles, Ray – Genius of… (1959)
o Davis, Miles – Kind of Blue
o Robbins, Marty – Gunfighter Ballads & Trail Songs
o Brubeck, Dave – Time Out

1960s

o Baez, Joan – Joan Baez (1960)
o Presley, Elvis – Elvis is Back!
o Makeba, Miriam – Miriam Makeba (1960)
o Everly Brothers – A Date with the…
o Smith, Jimmy – Back at the Chicken Shack
o Muddy Waters – At Newport
o Evans, Bill – Sunday at the Village Vanguard
o Charles, Ray - Modern Sounds in Country & Western Music
o Booker T & the MGs – Green Onions
o Getz, Stan & Charlie Byrd – Jazz Samba
o Price, Ray – Night Life
o Beatles – With the…
o Dylan, Bob – Freewheelin’…
o Spector, Phil & Various Artists – A Christmas Gift for You
o Cooke, Sam – Live at the Harlem Square
o Mingus, Charles – Black Saint & the Sinner Lady
o Brown, James – Live at the Apollo (1963)
o Getz, Stan & João Gilberto – Getz/Gilberto
o Beatles – A Hard Day’s Night
o Brel, Jacques – Olympia 64
o Burke, Solomon – Rock ‘n’ Soul
o Springfield, Dusty - A Girl Called Dusty
o Rolling Stones – Rolling Stones (1st Album)
o Owens, Buck – I’ve Got a Tiger by the Tail
o Lewis, Jerry Lee – Live at the Star Club, Hamburg
o Sonics – Here Are the…
o Dylan, Bob – Bringing it All Back Home
o Redding, Otis – Otis Blue… Sings Soul
o Beach Boys – Today!
o Coltrane, John – A Love Supreme
o King, B.B. – Live at the Regal
o Beatles – Rubber Soul
o Jansch, Bert – Bert Jansch (1st Album)
o Byrds, Mr Tambourine Man
o Dylan, Bob – Highway 61 Revisited
o Who – My Generation
o Beatles – Revolver
o Beach Boys – Pet Sounds
o Neil, Fred – Fred Neil (1st Album)
o Byrds – Fifth Dimension
o Dylan, Bob – Blonde on Blonde
o Monks – Black Monk Time
o Kinks – Face to Face
o Mamas & the Papas – If You Can Believe Your Eyes & Ears
o Revere, Paul & the Raiders – Midnight Ride
o Mothers of Invention – Freak Out!
o Rolling Stones – Aftermath
o Simon & Garfunkel – Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme
o 13th Floor Elevators – Psychedelic Sounds of the…
o John Mayall’s Blues Breakers – With Eric Clapton
o Yardbirds – Yardbirds [aka Roger the Engineer] (1st Album)
o Simone, Nina – Wild is the Wind
o Gilberto, Astrud – Beach Samba
o Nico – Chelsea Girl
o Beatles – Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
o Country Joe & the Fish – Electric Music for the Mind & Body
o Buffalo Springfield – Again
o Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band – Safe as Milk
o Moby Grape – Moby Grape (1st Album)
o Love – Da Capo
o Beau Brummels – Triangle
o Monkees – Headquarters
o Buckley, Tim – Goodbye & Hello
o Love – Forever Changes
o Cream – Disraeli Gears
o Pink Floyd – Piper at the Gates of Dawn
o Who – Sell Out
o Velvet Underground - & Nico
o Sinatra, Frank - Frank Albert Sinatra & Antonio Carlos Jobim
o Doors – Doors (1st Album)
o Young Rascals – Groovin’
o Jefferson Airplane – Surrealistic Pillow
o Kinks – Something Else by the…
o Donovan – Sunshine Superman
o Haggard, Merle – I’m a Lonesome Fugitive
o Hendrix, Jimi – Are You Experienced
o Electric Prunes – I Had too Much to Dream (Last Night)
o Lynn, Loretta – Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ (With Lovin’ on Your Mind)
o Sharma, Shivkumar / Brij Bushan Kabra / Hariprasad Chaurasia – Call of the Valley
o Velvet Underground – White Light/White Heat
o Hendrix, Jimi – Axis: Bold as Love
o Franklin, Aretha – I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You
o Rolling Stones – Beggars Banquet
o Traffic – Traffic (2nd Album)
o Incredible String Band – Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter
o Kinks – Village Green Preservation Society
o Shankar, Ravi – Sounds of India (1968)
o Mutantes, os – Mutantes, os (1st Album)
o Hendrix, Jimi – Electric Ladyland
o Cohen, Leonard – Songs of…
o Cash, Johnny – At Folsom Prison
o Nyro, Laura – Eli & the Thirteenth Confession
o Franklin, Aretha – Lady Soul
o Blue Cheer – Vincebus Eruptum
o Byrds – Notorious Byrd Brothers
o Big Brother & the Holding Company – Cheap Thrills
o United States of America – United States of America
o Dr John – Gris Gris
o Iron Butterfly – In a Gadda da Vida
o Pretty Things – S.F. Sorrow
o Simon & Garfunkel – Bookends
o Small Faces – Ogdens’ Nut Gone Flake
o Band – Music from Big Pink
o Beck, Jeff – Truth
o Veloso, Caetano – Caetano Veloso (1968)
o Walker, Scott – Scott 2
o Zombies – Odessey & Oracle
o Morrison, Van – Astral Weeks
o Byrds – Sweetheart of the Rodeo
o Beatles – Beatles [aka White Album]
o Mothers of Invention – We’re Only in it for the Money
o Young, Neil – Everybody Knows This is Nowhere
o Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band – Trout Mask Replica
o Creedence Clearwater Revival – Bayou Country
o Crosby, Stills & Nash – Crosby, Stills & Nash
o Blood, Sweat & Tears - Blood, Sweat & Tears (2nd Album)
o Flying Burrito Brothers – Gilded Palace of Sin
o Cash, Johnny – At San Quentin
o Creedence Clearwater Revival – Green River
o Beatles – Abbey Road
o Who – Tommy
o Davis, Miles – In a Silent Way
o Bee Gees – Odessa
o Pentangle – Basket of Light
o Rolling Stones – Let it Bleed
o Drake, Nick – Five Leaves Left
o Springfield, Dusty – Dusty in Memphis
o Presley, Elvis – From Elvis in Memphis
o Velvet Underground – Velvet Underground (3rd Album)
o Quicksilver Messenger Service – Happy Trails
o Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin (1st Album)
o Band – Band (2nd Album)
o Led Zeppelin – II
o MC5 – Kick Out the Jams
o Temptations – Cloud Nine
o Sly & the Family Stone – Stand!
o Buckley, Tim – Happy Sad
o Chicago Transit Authority [Chicago] - Chicago Transit Authority (1969)
o Fairport Convention – Unhalfbricking
o Youngbloods – Elephant Mountain
o Hayes, Isaac – Hot Buttered Soul
o Grateful Dead – Live/Dead
o Kinks – Arthur: Or the Decline & Fall of the British Empire
o King Crimson – In the Court of the Crimson King
o Cohen, Leonard – Songs from a Room
o Fairport Convention – Liege & Lief
o Walker, Scott – Scott 4
o Stooges – Stooges (1st Album)
o Spence, Alexander ‘Skip’ – Oar
o Zappa, Frank – Hot Rats

1970s

o Creedence Clearwater Revival – Cosmo’s Factory
o Derek & the Dominos – Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs
o Davis, Miles – Bitches Brew
o Spirit – Twelve Dreams of Dr Sardonicus
o Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath (1st Album)
o Doors – Morrison Hotel
o Carpenters – Close to You
o Still, Stephen – Stephen Stills (1st Album)
o Lennon, John – Plastic Ono Band
o Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Déjà vu
o Black Sabbath – Paranoid
o Young, Neil – After the Gold Rush
o Led Zeppelin – III
o Deep Purple – In Rock
o Morrison, Van – Moondance
o Grateful Dead – American Beauty
o Drake, Nick – Bryter Layter
o Shankar, Ananda – Ananda Shankar (1970)
o Who – Live at Leeds(1st Album)
o Soft Machine – Third
o Stewart, Rod – Gasoline Alley
o Harrison, George – All Things Must Pass
o Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water
o Stevens, Cat – Tea for the Tillerman
o Traffic – John Barleycorn Must Die
o Stooges – Fun House
o McCartney, Paul – McCartney (1970)
o Santana – Abraxas
o Barrett, Syd – Madcap Laughs
o Jethro Tull – Aqualung
o Crosby, David – If Only I Could Remember My Name
o Sly & the Family Stone – There’s a Riot Goin’ On
o Gaye, Marvin – What’s Going On
o Yes – Yes Album
o Bee Gees – Trafalgar
o Who – Who’s Next
o King, Carole – Tapestry
o Hayes, Isaac – Shaft: Music from the Soundtrack
o Allman Brothers – At Fillmore East
o Rolling Stones – Sticky Fingers
o Lennon, John – Imagine
o Beach Boys – Surf’s Up
o Yes – Fragile
o Doors – LA Woman
o Can – Tago Mago
o John, Elton – Madman Across the Water
o Parton, Dolly – Coat of Many Colors
o McLean, Don – American Pie
o Emerson, Lake & Palmer – Tarkus
o Led Zeppelin – IV [aka Untitled / aka Four Symbols]
o Gainsbourg, Serge – Histoire de Melody Nelson
o Stewart, Rod – Every Picture Tells a Story
o Emerson, Lake & Palmer – Pictures at an Exhibition
o Cohen, Leonard – Songs of Love & Hate
o Mitchell, Joni – Blue
o Funkadelic – Maggot Brain
o Joplin, Janis – Pearl
o Kuti, Fela - With Ginger Baker: Live!
o Faces – A Nod is as Good as a Wink… To a Blind Horse
o Flamin’ Groovies – Teenage Head
o Clark, Gene – White Light
o Prine, John – John Prine (1st Album)
o Nilsson, Harry – Nilsson Schmilsson
o T.Rex – Electric Warrior
o Bowie, David – Hunky Dory
o Newman, Randy – Sail Away
o Deep Purple – Machine Head
o Big Star – # 1 Record
o Black Sabbath – Vol 4
o Steely Dan – Can’t Buy a Thrill
o Young, Neil – Harvest
o Mayfield, Curtis – Superfly: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
o Slade – Slayed?
o Deep Purple – Made in Japan
o Yes – Close to the Edge
o Reed, Lou – Transformer
o Masekela, Hugh – Home is Where the Music Is
o Nascimento, Milton & Lo Borges – Clube da Esquina (1972)
o Rundgren, Todd – Something/Anything
o Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Will the Circle Be Unbroken?
o Wonder, Stevie – Talking Book
o Still, Stephen – Manassas
o T.Rex – Slider
o Ackles, David – American Gothic
o Eagles – Eagles (1st Album)
o Buckley, Tim – Greetings from LA
o Drake, Nick – Pink Moon
o Simon, Paul – Paul Simon (1972)
o Roxy Music – Roxy Music (1st Album)
o Alice Cooper – School’s Out
o Temptations – All Directions
o Bowie, David – Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
o War – World is a Ghetto
o Green, Al – Let’s Stay Together
o Rolling Stones – Exile on Main St
o Lynyrd Skynyrd – Pronounced Leh-nerd Skin-nerd
o Incredible Bongo Band – Bongo Rock
o Bowie, David – Aladdin Sane
o King Crimson – Lark’s Tongues in Aspic
o Marley, Bob & the Wailers – Catch a Fire
o Hawkwind – Space Ritual
o Cale, John – Paris 1919
o Can – Future Days
o Reed, Lou – Berlin
o Genesis – Selling England by the Pound
o Gaye, Marvin – Let’s Get it On
o Martyn, John – Solid Air
o Roxy Music – For Your Pleasure
o Faust – IV
o Hancock, Herbie – Head Hunters
o Mott the Hoople – Mott
o Oldfield, Mike – Tubular Bells
o Rundgren, Todd – A Wizard, a True Star
o John, Elton – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
o Steely Dan – Countdown to Ecstasy
o Jennings, Waylon – Honky Tonk Heroes
o Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon
o Wonder, Stevie – Innervisions
o ZZ Top – Tres Hombres
o McCartney, Paul & Wings – Band on the Run
o Sensational Alex Harvey Band – Next
o Alice Cooper – Billion Dollar Babies
o Iggy & the Stooges – Raw Power
o Isley Brothers – 3 + 3
o New York Dolls – New York Dolls (1st Album)
o Eno, Brian – Here Come the Warm Jets
o Bad Company – Bad Company (1st Album)
o Genesis – Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
o Otis, Shuggie – Inspiration Information
o Wonder, Stevie – Fullfillingness’ First Finale
o Clapton, Eric – 461 Ocean Boulevard
o Kraftwerk – Autobahn
o Morrison, Van – It’s Too Late to Stop Now
o Mitchell, Joni – Court & Spark
o Queen – II
o Roxy Music – Country Life
o Tangerine Dream – Phaedra
o Sparks – Kimono My House
o Supertramp – Crime of the Century
o Thompson, Richard & Linda – I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight
o Scott-Heron, Gil & Brian Jackson – Winter in America
o Queen – Sheer Heart Attack
o 10cc – Sheet Music
o Young, Neil – On the Beach
o Jones, George – Grand Tour
o Clark, Gene – No Other
o Steely Dan – Pretzel Logic
o Newman, Randy – Good Old Boys
o Marley, Bob & the Wailers – Natty Dread
o Wyatt, Robert – Rock Bottom
o Parsons, Gram – Grievous Angel
o Eno, Brian – Another Green World
o Dictators – Go Girl Crazy!
o Neu! – ‘75
o Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti
o Jarrett, Keith – Köln Concert
o Aerosmith – Toys in the Attic
o Bowie, David – Young Americans
o Burning Spear – Marcus Garvey
o Springsteen, Bruce – Born to Run
o Harris, Emmylou – Pieces of the Sky
o Dion – Born to Be With You
o Mitchell, Joni – Hissing of Summer Lawns
o Burman, Rahul Dev – Shalimar (Soundtrack)
o Young, Neil – Tonight’s the Night
o Dylan, Bob – Blood on the Tracks
o Smith, Patti – Horses
o Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here
o Queen – A Night at the Opera
o Nelson, Willie – Red Headed Stranger
o Earth, Wind & Fire – That’s the Way of the World
o Mayfield, Curtis – There’s No Place Like America Today
o Petty, Tom & the Heartbreakers - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (1st Album)
o Modern Lovers – Modern Lovers [Rec 1972, not released until 1976]
o Bowie, David – Station to Station
o Mitchell, Joni – Hejira
o Boston – Boston (1st Album)
o Eagles – Hotel California
o ABBA – Arrival
o Kiss – Destroyer
o Rush – 2112
o Ben, Jorge – África Brasil
o Armatrading, Joan – Joan Armatrading (1st Album)
o Aerosmith – Rocks
o Parliament – Mothership Connection
o Penguin Café Orchestra – Music from the Penguin Café
o Jarre, Jean Michel – Oxygene
o Ramones – Ramones (1st Album)
o Kuti, Fela – Zombie
o Tosh, Peter – Legalize It
o Wonder, Stevie – Songs in the Key of Life
o Frampton, Peter – Frampton Comes Alive
o Eno, Brian – Before & After Science
o Kraftwerk – Trans-Europe Express
o Joel, Billy – Stranger, the
o Marley, Bob & the Wailers – Exodus
o Electric Light Orchestra – Out of the Blue
o Weather Report – Heavy Weather
o Muddy Waters – Hard Again
o Stranglers – Rattus Norvegicus
o Clash – Clash (1st Album)
o Bowie, David – Low
o Steely Dan – Aja
o Wire – Pink Flag
o Martyn, John – One World
o Talking Heads – 77
o Fleetwood Mac – Rumours
o Bowie, David – ‘Heroes’
o Wilson, Dennis – Pacific Ocean Blue
o Suicide – Suicide (1st Album)
o Iggy Pop – Idiot, the
o Gabriel, Peter – Peter Gabriel (I)
o Television – Marquee Moon
o Meat Loaf – Bat Out of Hell
o Costello, Elvis – My Aim is True
o Iggy Pop – Lust for Life
o Dury, Ian – New Boots & Panties!!
o Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the…
o Pere Ubu – Modern Dance
o Kraftwerk – Man Machine
o Blondie – Parallel Lines
o Regina, Elís – Vento de Maio
o Pere Ubu – Dub Housing
o Only Ones – Only Ones (1st Album)
o Costello, Elvis – This Year’s Model
o Jam – All Mod Cons
o Ely, Joe – Honky Tonk Masquerade
o Adverts – Crossing the Red Sea with the…
o Big Star – Third (aka Sister Lovers)
o Residents – Duck Stab/Buster & Glen
o Public Image Ltd – Public Image
o Magazine – Real Life
o Springsteen, Bruce – Darkness on the Edge of Town
o Funkadelic – One Nation Under a Groove
o Throbbing Gristle – DOA: Third & Final Report
o Thin Lizzy – Live & Dangerous
o Talking Heads – More Songs About Buildings & Food
o Buzzcocks – Another Music in a Different Kitchen
o Van Halen – Van Halen (1st Album)
o Colón, Willie & Rubén Blades – Siembra
o Cars – Cars (1st Album)
o Devo – Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo
o Dire Straits – Dire Straits (1st Album)
o Saints – Eternally Yours
o Gaye, Marvin – Here, My Dear
o Nelson, Willie – Stardust
o Chic – C’est Chic
o X-ray Spex – Germ Free Adolescents
o Eno, Brian – Ambient 1: Music for Airports
o Siouxsie & the Banshees – Scream, the
o AC/DC – Highway to Hell
o Sister Sledge – We Are Family
o Crusaders – Street Life
o Germs – GI
o B52s – B52s (1st Album)
o Czukay, Holger – Movies
o Police – Reggatta de Blanc
o Fall – Live at the Witch Trials
o Talking Heads – Fear of Music
o Joy Division – Unknown Pleasures
o Chic – Risqué
o Undertones – Undertones (1st Album)
o Clash – London Calling
o Japan – Quiet Life
o Faithfull, Marianne – Broken English
o Slits – Cut
o Costello, Elvis – Armed Forces
o Young, Neil – Rust Never Sleeps
o Gang of Four – Entertainment!
o Cheap Trick – At Budokan
o Fleetwood Mac – Tusk
o Pink Floyd – Wall, the
o Public Image Ltd – Metal Box
o Jackson, Michael – Off the Wall
o Damned – Machine Gun Etiquette
o Numan, Gary – Pleasure Principle
o Specials – Specials (1st Album)

1980s

o Adam & the Ants – Kings of the Wild Frontier
o Dexys Midnight Runners – Searching for the Young Soul Rebels
o AC/DC – Back in Black
o Cramps – Songs the Lord Taught Us
o Dead Kennedys – Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables
o Gabriel, Peter – Peter Gabriel (III)
o Soft Boys – Underwater Moonlight
o Cure – Seventeen Seconds
o Echo & the Bunnymen – Crocodiles
o Motörhead – Ace of Spades
o Killing Joke – Killing Joke (1st Album)
o Judas Priest – British Steel
o Circle Jerks – Group Sex
o Talking Heads – Remain in Light
o Joy Division – Closer
o Iron Maiden – Iron Maiden (1st Album)
o Undertones – Hypnotised
o Jam – Sound Affects
o Waits, Tom – Heartattack & Vine
o UB40 – Signing Off
o Teardrop Explodes – Kilimanjaro
o Specials – More Specials
o Winwood, Steve – Arc of a Diver
o Pretenders – Pretenders (1st Album)
o Einstürzende Neubauten – Kollaps
o Siouxsie & the Banshees – Juju
o Heaven 17 – Penthouse & Pavement
o Go-Gos – Beauty & the Beat
o Motörhead – No Sleep ‘Til Hammersmith
o Soft Cell – Non Stop Erotic Cabaret
o Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark – Architecture & Morality
o Eno, Brian & David Byrne – My Life in the Bush of Ghosts
o Black Flag – Damaged
o X – Wild Gift
o Psychedelic Furs – Talk, Talk, Talk
o Human League – Dare
o Gun Club – Fire of Love
o Bauhaus – Mask
o Womack, Bobby – Poet
o Tom Tom Club – Tom Tom Club (1st Album)
o Rush – Moving Pictures
o ABBA – Visitors
o ABC – Lexicon of Love
o Prince – 1999
o Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five – Message, the
o Costello, Elvis – Imperial Bedroom
o Cure – Pornography
o Dexys Midnight Runners – Too Rye Ay
o Simple Minds – New Gold Dream (81, 82, 83, 84)
o Madness – Rise & Fall
o Fagen, Donald – Nightfly
o Haircut One Hundred – Pelican West
o Bush, Kate – Dreaming, the
o Orange Juice – Rip it Up
o Jackson, Michael – Thriller
o Birthday Party – Junkyard
o Venom – Black Metal
o Springsteen, Bruce – Nebraska
o Associates – Sulk
o Iron Maiden – Number of the Beast
o Duran Duran – Rio
o Violent Femmes – Violent Femmes (1st Album)
o McLaren, Malcolm – Duck Rock
o Def Leppard – Pyromania
o REM – Murmur
o The The – Soul Mining
o Waits, Tom – Swordfishtrombones
o Blue Nile – A Walk Across the Rooftops
o Hanoi Rocks – Back to Mystery City
o Lauper, Cyndi – She’s So Unusual
o Simon, Paul – Hearts & Bones
o Echo & the Bunnymen – Porcupine
o ZZ Top – Eliminator
o Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
o U2 – War
o Police – Synchronicity
o Meat Puppets – II
o Culture Club – Colour by Numbers
o Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Welcome to the Pleasuredome
o Run DMC – Run DMC (1984)
o Sade – Diamond Life
o Cocteau Twins – Treasure
o Minor Threat – Out of Step
o Van Halen – 1984
o Prince – Purple Rain
o Replacements – Let it Be
o Style Council – Café Bleu
o Turner, Tina – Private Dancer
o Echo & the Bunnymen – Ocean Rain
o Minutemen – Double Nickels on the Dime
o Cole, Lloyd & the Commotions – Rattlesnakes
o N’Dour, Youssou – Immigrés
o Springsteen, Bruce – Born in the USA
o Fall – This Nation’s Saving Grace
o Ibrahim, Abdullah – Water from an Ancient Well
o Aha – Hunting High & Low
o Tears for Fears – Songs from the Big Chair
o Dire Straits – Brothers in Arms
o Prefab Sprout – Steve McQueen (aka Two Wheels Good)
o Mekons – Fear & Whiskey
o Big Black – Atomizer
o Vega, Suzanne – Suzanne Vega (1st Album)
o Pogues – Rum, Sodomy & the Lash
o Bush, Kate – Hounds of Love
o Smiths – Meat is Murder
o Waits, Tom – Rain Dogs
o Jesus & Mary Chain – Psychocandy
o New Order – Low Life
o Simply Red – Picture Book
o Dexys Midnight Runners – Don’t Stand Me Down
o Scritti Politti – Cupid & Psyche 85
o Costello, Elvis – Blood & Chocolate
o Afrika Bambaataa & the Soul Sonic Force – Planet Rock: The Album
o Beastie Boys – Licensed to Ill
o Metallica – Master of Puppets
o The The – Infected
o Griffith, Nanci – Last of the True Believers
o Bragg, Billy – Talking with the Taxman About Poetry
o Talk Talk – Colour of Spring
o Megadeth – Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying?
o Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet
o Sonic Youth – Evol
o Slayer – Reign in Blood
o Throwing Muses – Throwing Muses (1986)
o Simon, Paul – Graceland
o Run DMC – Raising Hell
o XTC – Skylarking
o Earle, Steve – Guitar Town
o Bad Brains – I Against I
o Baker, Anita – Rapture
o Smiths – Queen is Dead
o Gabriel, Peter – So
o Anthrax – Among the Living
o Dinosaur Jr – You’re Living All Over Me
o Parton, Dolly with Linda Ronstadt & Emmylou Harris – Trio
o Def Leppard – Hysteria
o REM – Document
o Prince – Sign ‘O’ the Times
o Cult – Electric
o Depeche Mode – Music for the Masses
o Sisters of Mercy – Floodland
o Michael, George – Faith
o Hüsker Dü – Warehouse: Songs & Stories
o Butthole Surfers – Locust Abortion Technician
o Piazzolla, Astor & Gary Burton – New Tango
o Smiths – Strangeways Here We Come
o Guns N’ Roses – Appetite for Destruction
o Jesus & Mary Chain – Darklands
o Ladysmith Black Mambazo – Shaka Zulu
o Laibach – Opus Dei
o Napalm Death – Scum
o Sonic Youth – Sister
o Triffids – Calenture
o Jackson, Michael – Bad
o Pet Shop Boys – Actually
o U2 – Joshua Tree
o D’Arby, Terence Trent – Introducing the Hardline According to…
o Pogues – If I Should Fall from Grace with God
o Cohen, Leonard – I’m Your Man
o Waterboys – Fisherman’s Blues
o Fishbone – Truth & Soul
o Everything But the Girl – Idlewild
o Living Colour - Vivid
o Mudhoney – Superfuzz Bigmuff
o REM – Green
o Happy Mondays – Bummed
o Go Betweens – 16 Lovers Lane
o Cowboy Junkies – Trinity Session
o Chapman, Tracy – Tracy Chapman (1st Album)
o My Bloody Valentine – Isn’t Anything
o Pixies – Surfer Rosa
o Metallica – And Justice for All
o Dinosaur Jr – Bug
o Krause, Dagmar – Tank Battles
o lang, k.d. – Shadowland
o American Music Club – California
o Morrissey – Viva Hate
o Sonic Youth – Daydream Nation
o Sugarcubes – Life’s Too Good
o Yoakam, Dwight – Beuenas Noches from a Lonely Roomn
o Jane’s Addiction – Nothing’s Shocking
o Public Enemy – It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
o Faith No More – Real Thing
o Kravtiz, Lenny – Let Love Rule
o Hooker, John Lee – Healer, the
o New Order – Technique
o Madonna – Like a Prayer
o Queen Latifah – All Hail the Queen
o Spacemen 3 – Playing with Fire
o fIREHOSE – fROMOHIO
o Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique
o Young Gods – Eau Rouge, l’
o Zorn, John – Spy vs Spy: Music of Ornette Coleman
o Stone Roses – Stone Roses (1st Album)
o Cherry, Neneh – Raw Like Sushi
o Maal, Baaba & Mansour Seck – Djam Leelii
o Bush, Kate – Sensual World
o Cure – Disintegration
o 808 State – 808:90
o Coldcut – What’s That Noise?
o Adamson, Barry – Moss Side Story
o Aerosmith – Pump
o Pixies – Doolittle
o Raitt, Bonnie – Nick of Time
o Fugazi – Repeater
o Soul II Soul – Club Classics: Vol One
o De La Soul – 3 Feet High & Rising
o Jackson, Janet – Rhythm Nation 1814
o Jungle Brothers – Done by the Forces of Nature
o NWA – Straight Outta Compton

1990s

o Cocteau Twins – Heaven or Las Vegas
o Shamen – En-Tact
o Deee Lite – World Clique
o La’s – La’s
o Black Crowes – Shake Your Money Maker
o Depeche Mode – Violator
o Pixies – Bossanova
o Megadeth – Rust in Peace
o Digital Underground – Sex Packets
o Pet Shop Boys – Behaviour
o Happy Mondays – Pills ‘n’ Thrills and Bellyaches
o Michael, George – Listen Without Prejudice: Vol 1
o Young, Neil – Ragged Glory
o Ice Cube – AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted
o Jane’s Addiction – Ritual de lo Habitual
o LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out
o Public Enemy – Fear of a Black Planet
o O’Connor, Sinéad – I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got
o Tribe Called Quest, a – People’s Instinctive Travels & the Paths of Rhythm
o Sonic Youth – Goo
o Ride – Nowhere
o My Bloody Valentine – Loveless
o Nirvana – Nevermind
o Crowded House – Woodface
o Cypress Hill – Cypress Hill (1st Album)
o Cope, Julian – Peggy Suicide
o Gang Starr – Step in the Arena
o MC Solaar - Qui Sème le Vent Récolte le Tempo
o Jah Wobble – Rising Above Bedlam
o Red Hot Chili Peppers – Blood Sugar Sex Magik
o Ice T – OG: Original Gangster
o Mudhoney – Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge
o Public Enemy – Apocalypse 91… Enemy Strikes Back
o Tribe Called Quest, a – Low End Theory
o Pearl Jam – Ten
o Saint Etienne – Foxbase Alpha
o Sepultura – Arise
o Slint – Spiderland
o U2 – Achtung Baby
o KLF – White Room
o Massive Attack – Blue Lines
o Primal Scream – Screamadelica
o Teenage Fanclub – Bandwagonesque
o Metallica – Metallica [aka Black Album]
o Pavement – Slanted & Enchanted
o Aphex Twin – Selected Ambient Works 85-92
o Arrested Development – 3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life of…
o Olomidé, Koffi – Haut de Gamme: Koweït, Rive Gauche
o Morrissey – Your Arsenal
o Maal, Baaba – Lam Toro
o Lemonheads – It’s a Shame About Ray
o Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine (1st Album)
o Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy – Hypocrisy is the Greatest Luxury
o lang, k.d. – Ingénue
o Dr Dre – Chronic, the
o REM – Automatic for the People
o Pharcyde – Bizarre Ride II the…
o Spiritualized – Lazer Guided Melodies
o Sugar – Copper Blue
o Waits, Tom – Bone Machine
o Sonic Youth – Dirty
o Stereo MCs – Connected
o Ministry – Psalm 69 (Way to Succeed and the Way to Suck Eggs)
o Amos, Tori – Little Earthquakes
o Ice Cube – Predator
o Pantera – Vulgar Display of Power
o Alice in Chains – Dirt
o Cave, Nick & the Bad Seeds – Henry’s Dream, by…
o Khan, Nusrat Fateh Ali – Devotional Songs
o Harvey, P.J. – Dry
o Suede – Suede (1st Album)
o Weller, Paul – Wild Wood
o Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream
o Auteurs – New Wave
o Phair, Liz – Exile in Guyville
o Afghan Whigs – Gentlemen
o Mann, Aimee – Whatever
o Grant Lee Buffalo – Fuzzy
o Nirvana – In Utero
o Jamiroquai – Emergency on Planet Earth
o Pet Shop Boys – Very
o Harvey, P.J. – Rid of Me
o Blur – Modern Life is Rubbish
o Crow, Sheryl – Tuesday Night Music Club
o Fall – Infotainment Scan
o Wu Tang Clan – Enter the Wu Tang (36 Chambers)
o Björk – Debut
o Orbital – Orbital [aka Brown Album]
o Snoop Doggy Dogg – Doggystyle
o Sebadoh – Bubble & Scrape
o Boo Radleys – Giant Steps
o Orbit, William – Strange Cargo: III
o Method Man – Tical
o Black, Frank – Teenager of the Year
o Girls Against Boys – Venus Luxure No 1 Baby
o Jeru the Damaja – Sun Rises in the East
o Pavement – Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
o Portishead – Dummy
o Sabres of Paradise – Haunted Dancehall
o Nas – Illmatic
o Beastie Boys – Ill Communication
o Costello, Elvis – Brutal Youth
o Morrissey – Vauxhall & I
o TLC – CrazySexyCool
o Oasis – Definitely Maybe
o Soundgarden – Superunknown
o Offspring – Smash
o Drive Like Jehu – Yank Crime
o Blur – Parklife
o G Love & Special Sauce - G Love & Special Sauce (1994)
o Touré, Ali Farka – Talking Timbuktu
o Hole – Live Through This
o Massive Attack – Protection
o Manic Street Preachers – Holy Bible
o Suede – Dog Man Star
o Notorious BIG – Ready to Die
o Buckley, Jeff – Grace
o Orbital – Snivilisation
o Nirvana – MTV Unplugged in New York
o Nine Inch Nails – Downward Spiral
o Prodigy – Music for the Jilted Generation
o Green Day – Dookie
o Foo Fighters – Foo Fighters (1st Album)
o Garbage – Garbage (1st Album)
o Nightmares on Wax – Smokers Delight
o Tricky – Maxinquaye
o Raekwon – Only Built 4 Cuban Linx
o Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness
o Rocket from the Crypt – Scream, Dracula, Scream
o Chemical Brothers – Exit Planet Dust
o 2Pac – Me Against the World
o Elastica – Elastica (1st Album)
o Supergrass – I Should Coco
o Radiohead – Bends, the
o Guided by Voices – Alien Lanes
o Kuti, Femi – Femi Kuti (1995)
o Verve – A Northern Soul
o Genius GZA – Liquid Swords
o Pulp – Different Class
o Leftfield – Leftism
o D’Angelo – Brown Sugar
o Oasis – (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?
o Goldie – Timeless
o Morissette, Alanis – Jagged Little Pill
o Screaming Trees – Dust
o Super Furry Animals – Fuzzy Logic
o Fatboy Slim – Better Living Through Chemistry
o Dr Octagon – Dr Octagonecologyst
o Stereolab – Emperor Tomato Ketchup
o Tortoise – Millions Now Living Will Never Die
o Beck – Odelay
o Belle & Sebastian – Tigermilk
o DJ Shadow – Endtroducing
o Eels – Beautiful Freak
o Divine Comedy – Casanova
o Apple, Fiona – Tidal
o Wilco – Being There
o Sepultura – Roots
o Adamson, Barry – Oedipus Schmoedipus
o Fun Lovin’ Criminals – Come Find Yourself
o Maxwell – Urban Hang Suite
o Charlatans – Tellin’ Stories
o Manic Street Preachers – Everything Must Go
o Everything But the Girl – Walking Wounded
o Cave, Nick & the Bad Seeds – Murder Ballads
o Bukem, LTJ – Logical Progression
o Underworld – Second Toughest in the Infants
o Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Now I Got Worry
o Cardigans – First Band on the Moon
o Marilyn Manson – Antichrist Superstar
o Fugees – Score, the
o Ash – 1977
o Belle & Sebastian – If You’re Feeling Sinister
o Blur – Blur (1997)
o Radiohead – OK Computer
o Quaye, Finley – Maverick a Strike
o Elliott, Missy Misdemeanor – Supa Dupa Fly
o Chemical Brothers – Dig Your Own Hole
o Primal Scream – Vanishing Point
o Wyatt, Robert – Shleep
o Holmes, David – Let’s Get Killed
o Sleater Kinney – Dig Me Out
o Prodigy – Fat of the Land
o Buena Vista Social Club - Buena Vista Social Club (1997)
o Cave, Nick & the Bad Seeds – Boatman’s Call
o Divine Comedy – A Short Album About Love
o Cornershop – When I was Born for the 7th Time
o Daft Punk – Homework
o Williams, Robbie – Life Thru a Lens
o Carey, Mariah – Butterfly
o Supergrass – In it for the Money
o Dylan, Bob – Time Out of Mind
o Size, Roni & Reprazent – New Forms
o Smith, Elliott – Either/Or
o Verve – Urban Hymns
o Spiritualized – Ladies & Gentlemen, We are Floating in Space
o Dandy Warhols – Dandy Warhols (1997)
o Dylan, Bob – Bootleg Series Vol 4: Live 1966 [rec: 1966 at Free Trade Hall, Manchester]
o Chao, Manu – Clandestino
o Bragg, Billy & Wilco – Mermaid Avenue
o Turbonegro – Apocalypse Dudes
o Fatboy Slim – You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby
o Gray, David – White Ladder
o Williams, Lucinda – Car Wheels on a Gravel Road
o Pulp – This is Hardcore
o Madonna – Ray of Light
o Hill, Lauryn – Miseducation of…
o Hole – Celebrity Skin
o Mercury Rev – Deserter’s Songs
o System of a Down - System of a Down (1st Album)
o Queen of the Stone Age - Queen of the Stone Age (1st Album)
o Air – Moon Safari
o Singh, Talvin – OK
o Korn – Follow the Leader
o Khalèd, (Cheb) – Kenza
o Kid Rock – Devil Without a Cause
o Boards of Canada – Music Has the Right to Children
o Suba - São Paulo Confessions
o XTC – Apple Venus: Volume 1
o Skunk Anansie – Post Orgasmic Chill
o Incubus – Make Yourself
o Magnetic Fields – 69 Love Songs
o Travis – Man Who
o Slipknot – Slipknot (1st Album)
o Orton, Beth – Central Reservation
o Sawhney, Nitin – Beyond Skin
o Death in Vegas – Contino Sessions
o Moby – Play
o Flaming Lips – Soft Bulletin
o Rhymes Digitales, les – Darkdancer
o Tigre, le – Tigre, le (1999)
o Eminem – Slim Shady LP
o Spears, Britney – Baby One More Time
o Metallica – S&M
o Bonnie Prince Billy – I See a Darkness
o Shack – HMS Fable
o Basement Jaxx – Remedy
o Red Hot Chili Peppers – Californication
o Sigur Rós – Ágætis Byrjun

2000s

o Doves – Lost Souls
o Air – Virgin Suicides: Original Motion Picture Score
o Adams, Ryan – Heartbreaker
o Gilberto, Bebel – Tanto Tempo
o Cole, MJ – Sincere
o Harris, Emmylou – Red Dirt Girl
o Limp Bizkit – Chocolate Starfish & the Hot Dog Flavored Water
o Radiohead – Kid A
o U2 – All That You Can’t Leave Behind
o Linkin Park – Hybrid Theory
o Smith, Elliott – Figure 8
o Badly Drawn Boy – Hour of Bewilderbeast
o Harvey, P.J. – Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea
o Badu, Erykah – Mama’s Gun
o Coldplay – Parachutes
o Common – Like Water for Chocolate
o Ladd, Mike – Welcome to the Afterfuture
o Red Snapper – Our Aim is to Satisfy
o Eminem – Marshall Mathers LP
o Goldfrapp – Felt Mountain
o Giant Sand – Chore of Enchantment
o Lambchop – Nixon
o Lemper, Ute – Punishing Kiss
o Madonna – Music
o Avalanches – Since I Left You
o OutKast – Stankonia
o Radiohead – Amnesiac
o Silver Jews – Bright Flight
o Björk – Vespertine
o Gorillaz – Gorillaz (1st Album)
o Adams, Ryan – Gold
o Destiny’s Child – Survivor
o Strokes – Is This It
o Welch, Gillian – Time (The Revelator)
o Gotan Project – Revancha del Tango, la
o White Stripes – White Blood Cells
o Beta Band – Hot Shots II
o Jay Z – Blueprint
o Röyksopp – Melody AM
o Drive-By Truckers – Southern Rock Opera
o Super Furry Animals – Rings Around the World
o Jurassic 5 – Power in Numbers
o Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
o Ms Dynamite – A Little Deeper
o Bees – Sunshine Hit Me
o Jones, Norah – Come Away with Me
o Coldplay – A Rush of Blood to the Head
o Coral – Coral (2002)
o Cash, Johnny – American IV: Man Comes Around
o Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
o Doves – Last Broadcast
o Elliott, Missy – Under Construction
o Springsteen, Bruce – Rising, the
o Aguilera, Christina – Stripped
o Roots – Phrenology
o Beck – Sea Change
o Timberlake, Justin – Justified
o Vines – Highly Evolved
o Hives – Your New Favourite Band
o Radiohead – Hail to the Thief
o Winehouse, Amy – Frank
o Calexico – Feast of Wire
o Darkness – Permission to Land
o White Stripes – Elephant
o Dizzee Rascal – Boy in da Corner
o Kings of Leon – Youth & Young Manhood
o Thrills – So Much for the City
o Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Fever to Tell
o OutKast – Speakerboxxx/Love Below
o 50 Cent – Get Rich or Die Tryin’
o Mars Volta – Deloused in the Comatorium
o Lightning Bolt – Wonderful Rainbow
o Wainwright, Rufus – Want One
o Scissor Sisters – Scissor Sisters (1st Album)
o Morrissey – You Are the Quarry
o Björk – Medúlla
o Mylo – Destroy Rock & Roll
o Wilson, Brian – SMiLE
o Icarus Line – Penance Soirée
o Arcade Fire – Funeral
o Banhart, Devendra – Rejoicing in the Hands
o Cave, Nick & the Bad Seeds – Abattoir Blues/Lyre of Orpheus
o Franz Ferdinand – Franz Ferdinand (1st Album)
o N*E*R*D – Fly or Die
o Beta Band – Heroes to Zeros
o Ozamatli – Street Signs
o Libertines – Libertines (1st Album)
o West, kanYe – College Dropout
o Green, Cee-Lo – Is the Soul Machine
o TV on the Radio – Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes
o Liars – They Were Wrong, So We Drowned
o Streets – A Grand Don’t Come for Free
o Wainwright, Rufus – Want Two
o Zutons – Who Killed the Zutons?
o Killers – Hot Fuss
o Kings of Leon – Aha Shake Heartbreak
o MIA (UK) – Arular
o Beck – Guero
o White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan

Ooops!!!

2008-03-06T15:36:00.002-05:00

A 56-foot, 60-ton sperm whale died on a beach in Taiwan in January, 2004. Researchers wanted the carcass to perform an autopsy and for research, so they loaded the whale onto a tractor-trailer and set out through the city of Tainan, heading for the Shi-Tsau Natural Preserve. It took 13 hours, three cranes and 50 workers to get the whale loaded on the truck. Unfortunately, on the way through the city, gasses built up to a critical level in the whale and it exploded, spewing whale guts in the street, on the cars and over pedestrians. According to witnesses, the smell was pretty bad. Residents and shop owners put on masks and tried to clean up the mess. Eventually the whale continued it's journey to the research center.

(courtesy of truckspills.com)

Marek Haiduk

2008-03-06T15:24:00.003-05:00

This picture deserves a minute of your time:

it's called talent, and apparently some people aka: Marek Haiduk have it by the truck load, thanks.

Better Wallpaper (for your home!)

2008-03-06T13:17:00.002-05:00

Better Wallpaper Ltd enables you to create your own bespoke, digital wallpaper for creating a feature wall covering at home or a stunning photo wall mural for the boardroom!

This entirely different approach of customizing your wallpaper gives you a new, personal and interesting feature, which can be suitable for any living area or office.

Our custom made personalized wallpaper is easy to install, maintenance free, and can be enlarged to fit any size wall and comes with a unique 7 year non-fade guarantee.

Better Wallpaper will guide you through the easy processes to create your personalised digital wallpaper. It couldn't be simpler.

Click here to see How it works.

I love this idea, maybe I will print a picture of my hallway and then plaster it to the wall adjacent to the hallway so it has an Escher-esque effect. Check the site for some inspiring pics!

New Life!

2008-03-06T10:37:00.002-05:00

A friend's store sells this cool silicon dipped tea sets that I got for my Wife last Christmas, and I thought it was a design idea that really fit into my environmental ideaologies. Then I ran across this via Treehugger via Cool Hunter:

A sad fate awaits cracked china. With no real value on the secondhand market, most is relegated to the garbage. That is, unless Brazilian/Israeli designer Joana Meroz gets a hold of it. Based in the Netherlands, Meroz reclaims broken cups and dishes, which she transforms into her Crackery Tableware line for the Ornamented Life. Instead of trashing them, she chooses to "celebrate their imperfections" by glazing the crack with gold luster and adding a flower to the terminus. The finished product makes any imperfections seem almost deliberate. Tons of damaged dishes rejoice.

You can contact Joana through her website for pricing and ordering information.

Drink up!

2008-03-06T10:29:00.002-05:00

I lived in Chelsea in the early 90's (girlfriend was a student at F.I.T) Every morning, we would get coffee and bagels at either: Bagel Buffet in Greenwich or just a local bodega depending on time. I have always wanted a stack of the "We are happy to serve you" cups, but now I can have the style without the waste, thanks to:

A little hippie social networking for ya!

2008-03-06T08:59:00.005-05:00

I joined up with Greenopolis this moring after doing a lot of research for more eco-friendly servers for clients and myself. This is a really good, solid concept and I hope it finds itself and you.

from Greenopolis:

"Welcome, and thank you for registering with Greenopolis, a place for people of all ages, backgrounds, and lifestyles to become a part of the ongoing effort towards a greener planet. Greenopolis is a fun, simple and rewarding way to start living more sustainably and connect with others that are doing the same."

like postsecret

2008-03-06T00:07:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across this on flickr, it's from the window in a Portland restaurant/bakery called La Patissirie. It reminds me of the book my Brother In-Law gave me for Christmas from postsecret.com, heart wrenching, naked confessions:

Zombie Nation it's your class picture!

2008-03-02T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today's Obsesssion

2008-03-02T18:16:00.004-05:00

This is what I've been doing for the last forty minutes. This is just what you need sometimes:

...courtesy of YuppiePunk.org

2008-02-27T13:53:00.002-05:00

Mockbusters vs. Blockbusters

If you’ve ever browsed the aisles at your local video store and stumbled upon a film you’ve never heard of that’s markedly similar in plot to a current theatrical blockbuster, chances are it was produced by a small film production company called The Asylum. The 10 year-old company started out making low budget horror films, but eventually dovetailed into making “mockbusters” after a perfectly timed straight-to-video “War of the Worlds” release prompted the Blockbuster video chain to purchase nearly 8 times as many copies of that release as it did of their standard low budget horror flicks. And thus, a new business was born.

“We’re a studio making product,” David Michael Latt, one of The Asylum’s co-founders, told Cinematical. “We do copycats as much as the big guys do. They just rape from within their own library (remakes, re-dos, re-issues, re-mastered). All of our shows are original, and some have studio ties. It doesn’t make them misfits, or ugly, or bad, or schlocky, or crap.”

The films, which aren’t parodies in the same way “Weird Al” Yankovic’s songs are, but rather well-timed tie-ins hoping to capitalize on peaking public interest in a genre. “I’m not trying to dupe anybody,” he told the New York Times. “I’m just trying to get my films watched. Other people do tie-ins all the time; they’re just better at being subtle about it. Another studio might make a giant robot movie that ties into the ‘Transformers’ release and call it ‘Robot Wars.’ We’ll call ours ‘Transmorphers.’”

Take a look at some of The Asylum’s notable mockbusters below — nestled beside the blockbuster they’re attempting to piggyback off of. And if you think you’ve got what it takes to write one of these suckers, rumor has it they take unsolicited material.

Alien vs. Hunter vs. Alien vs. Predator
This one is so well executed, it’s hard to tell which one is the theatrical flick and which one is the straight-to-DVD job.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

,P.

Dragon vs Eragon
Change the “E” to a “D,” use a similar font on the poster, and the mockbuster becomes available at Blockbuster the same week the blockbuster is out in theaters.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

DaVinci Treasure vs. DaVinci Code
No mysteries here — in one you can see Thomas Hanks, the other has C. Thomas Howell.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

King of the Lost World vs. King Kong
Whether blockbuster or mockbuster, people go ape for giant gorilla flicks.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

Transmorphers vs. Transformers
We wonder if The Asylum was able to transmorph the rentals of their straight-to-DVD robot flick into big profits.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

Monster vs. Cloverfield
Hand-held cameras document disasters worsened by monsters.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

I Am Omega vs. I Am Legend
Tagline for the mockbuster: “The last man alive must battle a planet of the dead.” Tagline for the blockbuster: “The last man on Earth is not alone.” Tagline for both posters: WRITTEN IN A SIMILAR FONT IN ALL CAPS.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

Pirates of Treasure Island vs. Pirates of the Caribbean
Three words: Skulls and scrolls.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

Snakes on a Train vs. Snakes on a Plane
We applaud the moxie of a mockbuster that can disregarding the already slathered in irony original and make a film equally as ridiculously scripted.
[Hi, I'm a mockumentary]

I took a little time off...

2008-02-27T12:54:00.003-05:00

Sorry, I took some time to play with my Son and the next thing you know I haven't blogged in weeks! There's just been so much wonderful snow and sledding and smiles and lots of other "s" words

You would take a few weeks off from your life to go sledding with him wouldn't you?

I did do a couple more digital paintings (under oranj):

and:

Back at Work

2008-02-06T13:26:00.001-05:00

OK, took a little personal day yesterday and repeatedly shoveled my driveway whilst preparing a rather dull presentation for today.

With all that out of the way I found this amazing artwork was created from translucent brown packing tape by Mark Khaisman. The images are made from layers of packing tape carefully applied to Plexiglas and then placed in front of a light box to give the image depth.

Just amazing stuff, thank you!

This is what I am talking about

2008-02-04T19:39:00.000-05:00

I suppose if I could have lived in any era it would have been in the 40's. It just sits better with me (sure, I would miss my Mac, Tivo, PSP and WRX) but I would have a hell of a good time smoking 'cause you don't know it's bad for ya, working for a living, feeling good that the kids are safe at school. Come one, who wouldn't wanna live in the 40's?

Now, there is an artist that make me feel like maybe I didn't miss out on some stuff:

This makes me happy...

2008-02-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

This changed my life

2008-02-04T13:07:00.000-05:00

I remember the first time I saw this image, I was in college in NY and it was in the paper at Bagel Buffet in Greenwich village. This image blew my mind, it had such an impact on me that I have never been able to lessen my feelings about it. Now, with a child of my own - it haunts me in new ways.

I think I need to re-discover what I am doing to this world. It was only today that I discovered the photographer had taken his own life. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning at the age of 33.

Portions of Carter's suicide note read:

"I am depressed ... without phone ... money for rent ... money for child support ... money for debts ... money!!! ... I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings & corpses & anger & pain ... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners...I have gone to join Ken if I am that lucky."

MISPRINTED TYP E

2008-02-04T07:29:00.000-05:00

I am truly inspired by type set artists and with the fusion of other mediums, this artist is an THE example that comes to mind when I think of 2007's most influential artists.

I'm Selling Colors

2008-02-04T07:24:00.000-05:00

Portfolio of Adhemas Batista

Abandoned Russian Fortress Anybody?

2008-02-02T14:41:00.000-05:00

Abandoned Oceanside Fortress: Water fortifications were deemed necessary on the east coast of the Soviet Union to protect against possible attacks from Japan. In the southeast of Russia, Vladivostok is the largest port city on the Pacific Ocean. The fort and miles of tunnels featured in the photographs above have since fallen in disarray, but were once a highly prized (and extravagantly expensive) Russian defense construction project. Today it is a destination for Russian and other visitors complete with antiquated bombs and guided tours.

(WARNING, you will have to be able to read Russian to get any details, thankfully I make up words in my mind, so it was no problem for me.)

Mojave Phone Booth

2008-02-02T14:35:00.000-05:00

In the middle of the Mojave desert, rests an abandoned phone booth, riddled with bullet holes, graffiti, its windows broken, but otherwise functioning. Its identity was born on the internet, and for years travellers would make the trek down a lonely dirt road and camp next to the booth, in the hopes that it might suddenly ring, and they could connect with a stranger (often from another country) on the other end of the line.

This is the story of four disparate people whose lives intersect with this mystical outpost. With themes of love, death, the mystery of the universe, and the phenomenon of inter-connectivity, Mojave Phone Booth pitches us deep into the lives of these working class people in Las Vegas.

...is of no more significance than the color of his eyes.

2008-02-02T14:21:00.000-05:00

This is an art project of eyescapes, just beautiful stuff.

Great new stuff (not FREE)

2008-02-02T14:05:00.000-05:00

I stumbled across these guys this morning and had to place an order. No offense to Threadless, I am a Chicago boy livin' in Canada, but these designs are so Mac-centric you gotta love 'em!

beautiful

2008-02-02T02:05:00.000-05:00

this is some beautiful design.

I HEART STAU

2008-02-02T02:01:00.000-05:00

This makes me wish I understood German, or at least why they have the truckers friend for a logo:

Studio7 Open Source templates

2008-02-02T01:57:00.000-05:00

This is a pretty amazing site, for inspiration or just to see the incredible work done for open source:

http://www.studio7designs.com/open_source_templates.cfm

You will always suck at Photoshop

2008-02-02T01:50:00.002-05:00

You still suck at Photoshop

2008-02-02T01:50:00.001-05:00

You suck at Photoshop

2008-02-02T01:49:00.001-05:00

FREE FRIDAY FREAK OUT!!!!!!

2008-02-01T12:28:00.000-05:00

OK, so I just got sent a handful of helpful links for more FREE STUFF!

go here

and here

now here

enjoy!

Plan59 - from outer space?

2008-02-01T12:18:00.000-05:00

I like the whole retro movement as much as the next designer, especially if the next designer is sitting to the right of me in class circa 1990. It's been overdone, abused and it died out for a reason.

With that in mind here's some ads from wayyyyyy back, let's hope they inspire you to do something else.

On The Job - sorta

2008-02-01T11:10:00.000-05:00

I like to stay organized, and all this blogging about FREE STUFF! and Paychecks got me thinking about getting paid. So, I fired up the 'ol On The Job and sent out some invoices. It's pretty simple and On The Job is so straightforward to use, the best thing to do is download it and give it a try. Just create a new job and a new task, and press the play button to start timing. Edit any field by double clicking, or using the Info panel. Drag and drop to reorder jobs and tasks. Create Invoices in your preferred format by selecting the job or folder of jobs you want to report on, and press the Invoice button.
Let's hope there is someone to pay that invoice though, I am in no way endorsing the random generation of invoices for fictitious work and fictitious clients.

FREE texture backgrounds

2008-02-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

OK, more FREE STUFF! These backgrounds are beautiful and I've been using the "wall wood destruction" image as my desktop image for a few weeks. It goes well with all my incomplete renovation projects!

FREE comic fonts

2008-02-01T10:40:00.000-05:00

It's Friday and nothing is better on Friday than FREE STUFF! Well, I guess paychecks are nice on Fridays too, but for me it's FREE STUFF! These fonts at Blambot are beautiful and really useful so go get 'em and maybe start channeling your inner Stan Lee!